As a young adult I continued on with the weekly attendance at the same local church, although the particular place would be changing over time.
At my ‘home’ church my parents were always active and well known. My dad was Sunday school superintendent and Lay leader. My mom helped in Junior church, Vacation bible school and worked in the office on Sunday. As a young adult I have to say I enjoyed the popularity of being known by about everyone in the congregation. I even had my own key to the church building so I could go in anytime I wanted and pray or play the piano or just talk with a friend or two.
I think it was around this stage that things began to change for me. I began having questions about things I was reading in the bible but I knew that it was best to keep these questions to myself. I figured there were logical explanations that I would figure out as time went by, or it was a matter of not completely understanding the bible yet I knew they were not questions I should bring up openly or people would begin to question my faith.
A friend of mine invited me to his church for a special service. After the service he introduced me to his pastor and we talked a little bit. The pastor was very friendly and seemed interested in having me there. He kept talking about getting together with me to play checkers and talk a bit, but when I told him I had a home church he all of a sudden lost interest, thanked me for coming and took off to talk to someone else.
After twenty years or so in my home church I felt it was time to move on. I thought I had come to a point where I was not learning or growing and a new church would be the answer. Little did I know that this was just the beginning of a long drawn out process of eventually leaving the system.
As I began to venture out and look at other churches I first went to a church of the same denomination, thinking new people and a different pastor was what I needed. It did not take long to realize I was not satisfied anymore than I was at my previous church. So off I went looking to a different denomination to try out.
A friend of mine at work suggested visiting his church because it was friendly and exciting and had a pastor that preached the ‘full gospel’. I thought I would give it a try and after a couple visits thought I had found the most spiritual people in town. I also found a woman there who later became my wife. It was a non-denominational church and openly participated in the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I was on cloud nine for a while thinking I had found what I was looking for, a place where the Spirit was falling on the congregation and God would show up for each service.
It took ten years but as I got to know people on a more personal level I found out they were not as spiritual as I had first thought. It turned out that many of them only used different spiritual words and terms but were no different than any other christian I knew. The church service, although more lively and exciting was still pretty much the same format and way of doing things.
So what did I do? Yep, my wife and I headed off for another church. This time we landed at a different style church than I had never been in before….a mega-church. Wow, talk about exciting. They had a full band and the service was televised so there were lights, sound systems and performers in make-up. Again I thought I had found the most spiritual people I had ever known.
After about three years it all kind of lost its excitement. I again noticed the same underlying system was in place. It was a little different in the fact that the pastor, if seen anytime off stage was escorted by body guards. When I wanted to walk around the large church complex and take a look at things ushers stopped me and told me I was not allowed in that particular area. Now to someone who used to have a key to the church building this was a big blow. I just could not get used to the tight security and the TV professionalism the pastor and musicians carried out each week.
About this time my marriage of thirteen years fell apart. Things just did not work out and we went our separate ways. It was a blow to me because I was always taught in church how much God hated divorce. I had seen many pastors and church workers in the past be told they could no longer participate in leadership roles at church due to being divorced. So I ended up dropping out of church due to guilt. I figured I would no longer be accepted there and actually thought God might be mad at me. This went on for about three years.
Now the best thing for me happened when I met my current wife. Yes, we ended up getting married even though I was taught divorce was wrong but remarriage was even worse. We both felt very much in love and believed that the love we felt could not be wrong and we believed God brought us together to live a happy life for him. I also felt good when we agreed we needed to get back in church. Fortunately things began to change when we found our new church.
This time we ended up back at a denominational church but much smaller and more like the church I grew up in. The pastor was different. He seemed to have an enthusiasm and preached with excitement that neither of us had seen before. It was a friendly church, yet as time went on we realized it was a church that was pretty much run by two different families. As we got to know the pastor more we found that he was frustrated from the pressure put on him by these families who wanted things done their way. We also found out that the pastor recently had an encounter with the Holy Spirit and he was preaching with new power and enthusiasm, something we really enjoyed but this particular denominational church wanted nothing to do with it. The pastor was a great help to my wife and I telling us about grace, forgiveness and the love of God like we had never heard before.
Unfortunately this did not last but for a few years. The pastor moved out of state and the church kind of fell apart. So again, off we went looking for something else. What we found next was the beginning of the end of our time in the organization. This will be talked about in the next article.
Thanks Tony, it is sad how some sins are condemned and some are not even noticed. The church, whether in a building or outside the walls is to be known as loving and accepting of others, not condemning of sins of others. Thanks for your comment.
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Thank you Mary. I appreciate your comment and for reading my article.
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Jim, I’ve just read this again and I felt that there may be other divorced people who may be hurting and rejected by churches where they were made unwelcome. It’s especially annoying when certain mega-church leaders are allowed to divorce and remarry, and nobody bats an eyelid (I will not mention any names but I am sure some examples springto mind!)
I have two tips:
a) read my article on dovorce and remarriage here: http://tinyurl.com/pwrrrzd – you may find healing there. Or at least, some help.
b) If you do have to move to another church, just don’t tell them you’re divorced/remarried. It’s none of their business. Granted, you do want to be open with your new brethren, but if they could use something against you – and churches are notorious for that – it’s best you’re not too open about those things. God knows all about you and will still bless you unconditionally; others simply don’t need to know.
Just my two penn’orth 😉
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Frankly, I was waiting for a part 2 and it was worth waiting.
Sometimes Pastors behave like this, they talk sweet but when they find that one goes to another church they avoid. That’s ridiculous. Now a new trend, this happens between the leaders of the church. One speaks sweet but when they come come to know he/she is going to another group, they avoid and move to other people. Why can’t everyone be connected. It’s dangerous.
I know you must have gone through a tough time during the divorce. This is the one subject which I still struggle to understand from God’s eyes. But am happy that you got someone to love you now.:)
Waiting for the next article….
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I figured my church history would be pretty common. Glad the timing was right on unloading the truck also. Took a lot of guts to move cross country. Thanks for commenting.
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I’m enjoying these articles, Jim. Hope you aren’t offended, but I find myself laughing when I read them – it’s a joyful laugh of the sort “been there, done that” and of relating to your experiences.
So you visited a church where the pastor cozied up to you then hit the jets to go schmooze another potential tither when you told him you were committed elsewhere. Classic.
Back in ’99, Karen and I moved cross-country sight-unseen to a small rural community the Lord led us to. We flew out there a month before driving out in a moving truck to buy a house. We didn’t know anyone there, so when we pulled up in the truck, I expected to unload it by myself. The next door neighbor was a city cop and called his church softball team buddies to come help us unload when we pulled up. Lickety split, they had that 24′ rental truck unloaded. When the work was done, repeat, DONE, the pastor of their church showed up and started schmoozing me for their church. I thanked him for the invitation, “but we have already committed to another church”. He welcomed me to town, spun on his heels and was gone.
I’m SO SO glad he didn’t ask me BEFORE his guys unloaded the truck. 😉
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Thanks Anthony. Seems like certain questions aren’t always welcome in the organization. I am finding now that questioning is good.
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Another great article, and very interesting. “…they were not questions I should bring up openly or *people would begin to question my faith* ” [emphasis mine] – actually I think people whose faith is insecure are the ones who fear questioning the most, in case their own faith is proven incorrect. This is, I think, why questioning is discouraged. Also, in case the questioner finds out the Truth…. 😉
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