We all want to have friends. Have you ever heard the phrase, to make a friend you have to be a friend? Obviously, everyone wants to be liked and have friends that are likeable and easy to be around.
Thing is, I think it is important to also be yourself. Not everyone is going to like you and want to be friends. I’ve seen people work so hard to change and be someone they normally aren’t, just to be friends with someone they think would be fun to be around.
My thought is if you have to change who you are, why do you need that kind of friend?
There is another thing that bothers me about friendship. Have you ever met someone for the first time and they just seem so friendly and interested in you? I have been through this several times. I would run into someone in the store or out for a walk, and they are smiling and so interested in getting to know a little about me. I get kind of anxious to get to know them and see if a new friendship was starting. Then, I get a call or an email and get asked if we could meet for coffee and talk a while.
After the second time this happened, I started realizing that so far, each time this has happened, it was someone with an ulterior motive.
They really were not interested in me; they were interested in what I could do for them. Basically, they were selling something and looking for new people to join in under them doing the same thing.
I tell you, this was so disappointing each time it happened. I was thinking, wow, what a nice person. I would like to get to know them and get to be friends. Then, wham, the rug was pulled out from under me by finding out they only wanted to make a sell or add me to their sales network.
True friends are hard to find. Even among people who aren’t selling and do not have ulterior motives, it’s hard to find a true friend.
Most of the friends we have are friends as long as we have the same interests, or involved in the same activities, go to the same places or work together, but outside of that, we usually don’t see each other or talk.
True friends love us and accept us as just as we are. They aren’t waiting until we change and become more like them. They are actually interested in us. They want to see us succeed. They feel comfortable telling us things that aren’t popular or what we want to hear when they know we are getting into something that isn’t good for us.
A true friend will be there for you even when we are miles apart, or when we have different interests and activities. A true friend is one of the hardest things to find in this world.
Now as followers of Christ, we have the best and most true friend possible in Jesus. But let’s be real, we need a flesh and blood person right in front of us to discuss things, do things together, encourage and support each other, and cry with one another.
Jesus will never leave us, he will never forsake us. He is closer than a brother and the best friend we will ever have in life. Yet, in this life we need human friends. And those human friends, if you think about it, are almost like having Jesus right in front of you. Since we are now the temple of the Spirit, God living in us, we in a sense are Jesus to each other. Now I’m not saying we are God, but His Spirit lives within us and we can love and accept each other through that common truth more than anything.
So for those shallow people who are only looking for someone to use and get things from, I would rather not even start a friendship. We still love everyone through Christ, but we don’t have to be friends with everyone. Pray for the guidance of the Spirit to lead you to those God has to be true friends in your life, and see Christ in the brother and sisters he brings along.
Done with Religion 
Thanks Richard. True friends are hard to find, but really great when you find them. Thanks for your comment.
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Great blog Michael! I became a Christian 10 years ago and made some life long friends! As I travel around the country working and trying to make disciples, God provides me with special brothers to encourage me along the way. Thanks for the enlightening story!
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Thank you Susanne for posting this chapter. Certainly words of wisdom.
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Thanks Michael, I appreciate that. I agree, I would be glad to get to be true friends.
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Susanne, I am so happy that you quoted the positive verses (14-17) as well. I have a couple loyal friends that have been more loyal than I deserve and their examples and kind counsel have helped to change my heart from believing that there were no such persons to be found on this earth. This type of person is not religious nor are they “hothouse Christians” who have led sheltered lives, but they are ones that God has taken through many hard trials, fallen victim to temptations and love much because they have been forgiven much. These things only served to make them more real, loving and precious to the Lord. Thank you for being my friend, dear sister.
And Michael D. I hope that in the days ahead we can get to know one another as true friends as well. Thanks for your blog post on such an important subject.
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Another (longer) comment, Michael (D. ;-) )
I just found a whole chapter about friendship – as it should be in God’s sight – in the Apocrypha and I thought I could copy and paste it.
Scripture taken from Ecclesiasticus, chapter 6 – verses 5 -17:
5 A kindly turn of speech attracts new friends, a courteous tongue invites many a friendly response.
6 Let your acquaintances be many, but for advisers choose one out of a thousand.
7 If you want to make a friend, take him on trial, and do not be in a hurry to trust him;
8 for one kind of friend is so only when it suits him but will not stand by you in your day of trouble.
9 Another kind of friend will fall out with you and to your dismay make your quarrel public,
10 and a third kind of friend will share your table, but not stand by you in your day of trouble:
11 when you are doing well he will be your second self, ordering your servants about;
12 but, if disaster befalls you, he will recoil from you and keep out of your way.
13 Keep well clear of your enemies, and be wary of your friends.
14 A loyal friend is a powerful defence: whoever finds one has indeed found a treasure.
15 A loyal friend is something beyond price, there is no measuring his worth.
16 A loyal friend is the elixir of life, and those who fear the Lord will find one.
17 Whoever fears the Lord makes true friends, for as a person is, so is his friend too.
I admit that the books of the Apocrypha that deal with divine wisdom have helped me a lot in the past because some things there are better described than in the other 66 books of the Bible, esp. “the fear of God” and the manifestations of wisdom.
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Hi Michael, thanks for the reply. Your comment is sadly so true. Thankfully there are many people out there that will be true friends….just hard to find them sometimes. Thanks again for reading my article and commenting.
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Michael, Susanne, Connie and David. I love what you ALL have written.,, sooo true! I remember one time that I was going through a low point in my life after leaving a Christian cult and an old friend called me and invited us over for dinner and just couldn’t wait to tell us all about this “great new thing that God was doing in their lives”…. So dumb me, I took this brother at face value and we went to their house for dinner and you guessed it… we got Amwayed!
I guess most church folks can’t see how they use their fellow Christians to fleece them or get something from them (users I call them) because the man behind the pulpit does it every Sunday! “Now folks, God loves a cheerful giver, so dig deep!” Arg!!! Enough of being used in the name of Christ already!!!
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Thank you David. I appreciate your comment. Very well said.
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Well said, Michael! I have found that “purpose-driven relationships” tend to be short-lived and not worth investing in (unless the purpose is the unconditional love of Christ which cancels personal agenda.) Thankfully the Lord knows our desire and need for true friends and gives us them as gifts. It is those kind of relationships that the Kingdom turns on, even as with Jonathan and David! May we discern those whom God has given us and guard them for HIS purpose!
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Thanks for your comment. Unfortunately, you are so right. It is sad it is this way. We are truly blessed if we have just one or two true friends in life. Thanks for reading my article.
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As someone who seeks quality in friendship over quantity, I have found that, not only do many people have ulterior motives in seeking you out but also that they are just too busy to offer the time necessary to nurture deep and meaningful friendships.
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Thank you. I appreciate your comment.
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Very good, Michael! :-)
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