I know this is supposed to be a spiritual blog, but when your kids don’t ask for your advice then you have to express it somewhere. I don’t blame them. How many older men I respect have I reached out for advice how to age gracefully? Anyway, what would I say to others if they dared to ask for parenting advise. None of my kids are in jail and we have a good relationship though in their forties, but honestly perfect parenting doesn’t guarantee perfect children. Just ask God about his children!
God
God has been our greatest influence in parenting. God’s way of loving is surely the best so imitate God the best way you know. Just stay close to God and we are convinced God will influence your ways positively.
Keep in mind the main three stages of parenting
Ages 0-2: Total Dependence so just love, feed, try to get them to sleep
Ages 2-11: Time to discipline as kids are seeking to be independent and need help. Don’t take their actions personally
Ages 11 and Up: Kids are looking more to peers than parents for approval. Get over it. Coach them to make their own decisions, when possible, to avoid unnecessary battles. Work to be more of a mentor than authoritative model.
It’s all about discipline
Physical discipline/spanking was never necessary. It is just our first impulse for lack of creativity. You might have to use physical force within limits to put a child in another room, hold a door shut, but this is only at a very early age until consequences such as depriving of a privilege works better.
Advise of the rules ahead of time when possible and let your “no mean no” unless you decide later you made a bad choice. Just tell child you had a change of heart.
We wish we had not worried so much about discipline/consequences having to be so immediate or perfectly logical. Andy Stanley once said: “I wish I had always just thought – “how do I respond to best repair the relationship.”
Best advice we have heard over the years
Give your children a good marriage. Make the marriage first – this may include a couple’s vacation once a year. I failed here! Don’t call each other mom and dad. Men, hold the car door until dead, not just during dating
Spend time spending time with your children. Give them your undivided attention when with them.
Don’t bail your children out always; let them fail
The best chance of siblings having a good relationship later in life is requiring they treat each other like Mom and Dad must treat one other. You can’t make them like one another but you can require they not hit each other or call each other names. The older, bigger just wins and resentments can grow.
Mike Edwards was added as a writer and has been a great addition to the Done with Religion site. Mike provides many interesting views and various ways of looking at things. He is not afraid to ask questions and he keeps an open mind as to teachings of the institutional church. Mike also has his own site where he writes at What God May Really Be Like
So often, when we think of Jesus, we think of Christianity. Many people seem to believe that Jesus actually started Christianity. The fact is, Jesus did not establish a new religion, nor did he come to create another religious system for people to follow. Jesus was not about religion. He came to show the love of God to the human race. He loves and accepts people, not because of the religious label they carry or the beliefs they hold, but because they are people loved by God.
The word Christian was first used in the city of Antioch to describe those who followed Jesus (Acts 11:26). It is often understood to mean “little Christs.” These were people whose lives reflected the teachings, actions, and love of Jesus so much that others identified them with him. They were spreading the good news of Jesus, demonstrating his love, and doing the very things Jesus had taught them to do.
When we use the term Christian in that sense, there is certainly nothing wrong with it. Being Christ-like, loving God, loving others, and doing the works of Jesus should be what the word represents. But when we use Christian to identify ourselves with a particular church, follow a specific doctrine, or align ourselves with a particular pastor or religious organization, it can become little more than another religious label. Personally, I would rather not define my relationship with God by that label.
Jesus is the Son of God, and he loves all people. He does not look at people through the labels of Muslim, Jew, Christian, or any other religious identity. He sees people. He sees individuals who need love, acceptance, grace, and the opportunity to experience the love of God. Our relationship with God is not about belonging to Christianity or following a religious institution. It is about coming to know God through Christ.
It is time we stopped looking to the organized world of religion as the means of becoming acceptable and pleasing to God. Instead, we need to look to Christ, allowing him to live through us and demonstrate his love to those we encounter each day. Stop demanding that others follow your doctrines, your rules, and your particular beliefs. Instead, accept people as they are, extend the same love and grace that Jesus demonstrated, and allow God to work in their lives in whatever way God sees fit.
We are never going to completely agree with one another on matters of doctrine and religion. But it is through Christ and the love of God that we can learn to share that love with others. Let us be known not simply by what we believe or the doctrines we defend, but by what it truly means to be a Christian: following the example of Jesus, living out His teachings, doing His works, and loving God and one another.
Michael Donahoe created Done with Religion after he and his wife left the institutional church after over fifty years within the system. He wanted a way to express his thoughts and concerns about the religious system, and tell why he and his wife decided to leave the institution but not their faith in God. They have now been outside the walls of religion for several years. He enjoys writing about his experiences and thoughts, and he wants to encourage others who are going through the religious deconstruction process. He also writes on Substack at https://deconstructiontrail.substack.com/ and https://personalmeanderings.substack.com/
I don’t pretend to be an expert on beliefs of Muslims/Islamism. I do not wish to minimize the differences between Muslim and Christian extremism. My main motive for writing this is to call out extremism of Christian/evangelists which I am much more familiar with. Christians need to take the log out of their own eye to avoid turning people away from God, The two religions are not comparable in many ways.
There is a difference between Christianity and Islamism. Islamism is a political ideology that seeks to organize and control government. I believe many labeled Christian Nationalists are falsely accused of desires to control beliefs, though I agree their rhetoric without clarifications can provoke such accusations. It matters if one’s beliefs are based on Islamist principles. Islamism in my opinion is not compatible with Christianity or can coexist.See here. Individuals must be asked specifically their below beliefs to see if they embrace extreme positions of their religion. Please don’t accuse me of being Islamophobic. Let’s just have a conversation.
I have written about my concerns regarding Christian nationalism. See here. I have written American was founded on Christian principles, but leaders should be careful in their language. The Founders believed in freedom of religion and beliefs. There is a difference in saying we are founded on Christian principles and we are a Christian nation. This seems to exclude all non-Christians. It boils down to how beliefs are acted on.
What is the main difference?
Allah had no son. Christianity claims Jesus was the Son of God. Christianity declares Jesus is what God is like. Readers have to decide who to follow. Allah or God and Jesus.
How is blasphemy treated?
Blasphemy means speaking disrespectfully about God or insulting sacred things. Leviticus 24:16 says someone who blasphemes God should be put to death in ancient Israel. But the New Testament shifts the focus from civil punishment to spiritual consequences. In most modern Christian-majority countries, blasphemy is not punished by law.
Islamism generally treats blasphemy as both a religious sin and a crime against the state. Because Islamism advocates for governments ruled by Sharia law, blasphemy is often treated as a criminal offense, not just a moral one. Even death for severe cases, particularly if the offender is seen as abandoning or attacking the faith. I am not aware Christianity having any such laws.
How to treat infidels
In Christianity, people who do not believe in the Christian faith are usually called unbelievers rather than “infidels.” The way Christianity views them comes mainly from the teachings of Jesus Christ and the New Testament. They are seen as people that God loves. (Rom 5:8, John 3:16) I do not think any form of Christianity can be accused of deadly consequences based on beliefs or not granting freedom of belief on earth.
In Islamism non-Muslims may be allowed to live in society but with a different legal status in a state governed by Islamic law, though interpretations vary widely across movements. Shouts of “Death to Americans” don’t suggest coexistence is allowed according to Islamism.
Gays
Unfortunately, Christians are not united in claiming God does not condemn gays. Many refuse to admit the Bible can also be interpreted to not condemn monogamous same sex relationships. See here But, at least Christianity cannot be accused of supporting death for those who are in same-sex relationships. Islamism has been known to consider sodomy as a capital offense in Iran, where execution methods include public hangings. Many Muslims interpret Islamic teachings differently, but many Muslim governments support criminal penalties that can include fines, imprisonment, or death penalties. That is a severe difference rather than condemnation.
And women
Unfortunately, Christians can be accused of women bias as Muslims. Sorry, any religion that requires women dress up to protect men’s eyes is anti-religion in my opinion. Men – control your own eyes. But then some Christians claim the Bible requires women submit to men’s authority in certain roles that men are not required to submit to men. I doubt the Bible teaches that. I am not sure why any fair-minded person would think women can’t fulfill the same roles as men unless believing a Book about God teaches otherwise.
I doubt Paul, a main writer of the New Testament, was a bias against women. See here. Most agree not allowing equal roles because of skin color is immoral. Choosing who should lead the company based on gender is obviously bigotry. The most qualified or gifted should surely lead the company. Why not in church? Men in authority over women whether in public or private life is conducive for domestic abuse and the other atrocities women face at the hands of men. Give me as a man an inch and I am tempted to take a mile! So, both religions suck about women and have extremists.
What about Violence
Many, but not all, Christians and Muslims, can be accused of advocating violence and possibly genocide. Most religions allow war in certain circumstances when fighting evil. The problem is extremist groups like ISIS can misuse Islamic language to justify violence. Christians aren’t necessarily off the hook. Some suggest the Old Testament advocates violence or genocide in certain circumstances. (I Samuel 15:1-5) It certainly seems that way. As discussed below the problem is whether one’s holy Book is inspired by God. If writers are portraying God accurately because God is controlling their thoughts, as opposed to sharing their own opinions of God, then most followers feel an obligation to follow in their God’s inspired footsteps. It is easily forgotten that interpretations are not inspired.
The problem with an inspired Holy Book
There are extremists with any religion whether Christian, Jewish, or Muslim. If we didn’t claim a Book was inspired – thus represents God perfectly – we may be more willing to discuss our different interpretations which can be prone to error or even the writers didn’t understand God always correctly. Some say God condemns gays according to the Bible, others interpret the same passages differently. Even if we could prove God inspired every word in the Bible (God controlling what writers thought and recorded), we should always question interpretations since biblical scholars interpret differently the same passages.
Supposed inspired interpretations by God or Allah can lead others away from God, because if a Supreme Being supposedly advocated a belief, most assume we are obligated to endorse and follow. I am convinced that if we did not assume literature is inspired, but rather the writers wrote what they believed was true of their God, we could better avoid extremism. Use common moral sense to understand God, rather than assuming writers never misunderstood God. See Shouldn’t we assume the Bible isn’t inspired by God – all rants against the Bible
Final Thoughts
I believe those who claim Islamist beliefs would refer to themselves as Muslims. Those who claim Christianity as their religions would call themselves Christians. Not all Muslims or Christians hold the same above beliefs. One’s beliefs should be questioned, or believe what they say, to discern what actions may follow. One may think I have been biased toward Christians reading the above. I do associate more with their beliefs than many Muslims. I believe Muslim beliefs are more extreme than Christian’s beliefs. Depends on their belief of their Holy Book and interpretation. Let’s have open discussions of personal beliefs.
Mike Edwards was added as a writer and has been a great addition to the Done with Religion site. Mike provides many interesting views and various ways of looking at things. He is not afraid to ask questions and he keeps an open mind as to teachings of the institutional church. Mike also has his own site where he writes at What God May Really Be Like
Helping Survivors is on a mission to help heal, educate, and empower people who have been impacted by sexual abuse, assault, or harassment. We are a passionate group of experts and advocates who believe individuals who have experienced sexual assault, abuse, or harassment deserve to know their rights and options.
Undue Medical Debt empowers donors to forgive billions in oppressive medical debt. We are dedicated to removing the burden of medical debt for individuals, families and veterans across America. Click HERE to donate now.
Doctors Without Borders help people worldwide where the need is greatest, delivering emergency medical aid to people affected by conflict, epidemics, disasters or exclusion from health care. Help support us by making a donation here:
Wishes are more than just a nice thing, they can be a game-changer for a child with a life-threatening medical condition. We grant the wishes of children with life-threatening medical conditions to enrich the human experience with hope, strength and joy. To make a donation click here:
