by Mike Edwards
I know this is supposed to be a spiritual blog, but when your kids don’t ask for your advice then you have to express it somewhere. I don’t blame them. How many older men I respect have I reached out for advice how to age gracefully? Anyway, what would I say to others if they dared to ask for parenting advise. None of my kids are in jail and we have a good relationship though in their forties, but honestly perfect parenting doesn’t guarantee perfect children. Just ask God about his children!
God
God has been our greatest influence in parenting. God’s way of loving is surely the best so imitate God the best way you know. Just stay close to God and we are convinced God will influence your ways positively.
Keep in mind the main three stages of parenting
- Ages 0-2: Total Dependence so just love, feed, try to get them to sleep
- Ages 2-11: Time to discipline as kids are seeking to be independent and need help. Don’t take their actions personally
- Ages 11 and Up: Kids are looking more to peers than parents for approval. Get over it. Coach them to make their own decisions, when possible, to avoid unnecessary battles. Work to be more of a mentor than authoritative model.
It’s all about discipline
- Physical discipline/spanking was never necessary. It is just our first impulse for lack of creativity. You might have to use physical force within limits to put a child in another room, hold a door shut, but this is only at a very early age until consequences such as depriving of a privilege works better.
- Advise of the rules ahead of time when possible and let your “no mean no” unless you decide later you made a bad choice. Just tell child you had a change of heart.
- We wish we had not worried so much about discipline/consequences having to be so immediate or perfectly logical. Andy Stanley once said: “I wish I had always just thought – “how do I respond to best repair the relationship.”
Best advice we have heard over the years
- Give your children a good marriage. Make the marriage first – this may include a couple’s vacation once a year. I failed here! Don’t call each other mom and dad. Men, hold the car door until dead, not just during dating
- Spend time spending time with your children. Give them your undivided attention when with them.
- Don’t bail your children out always; let them fail
- The best chance of siblings having a good relationship later in life is requiring they treat each other like Mom and Dad must treat one other. You can’t make them like one another but you can require they not hit each other or call each other names. The older, bigger just wins and resentments can grow.
Mike Edwards was added as a writer and has been a great addition to the Done with Religion site. Mike provides many interesting views and various ways of looking at things. He is not afraid to ask questions and he keeps an open mind as to teachings of the institutional church. Mike also has his own site where he writes at What God May Really Be Like
