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Posts Tagged ‘emotions’

What Humanly Is The Hardest Thing To Do?

Posted in Acceptance of Others, christian living, Community, Love of God, tagged , , , , , , , , , on December 29, 2024|

By Mike Edwards

Gad Saad writes that one willingness to change their mind may be the biggest challenge that people face. Why is changing our mind so hard, and how do we pursue being more openminded? I can still remember decades ago my son coming home from school and declaring evolution was a viable belief. I passionately denied based on my understanding of the Bible and Genesis. I have since admitted to him I could be wrong. It took a while for me to be more open-minded.

The Bible can be the problem for many Christians 

The Bible can’t be the definitive word about God since subject to interpretation (different scholarly views of the same passages). Besides, we can’t prove God controlled if the writers always accurately portrayed God, even if our interpretations were perfect. Biblical scholars who have a deep respect for the Bible don’t agree what God thinks about gays, women, hell, and other moral issues. Gays are condemned and women’s leadership roles are limited, despite their gifts, in God’s name. Supposedly, a fiery torturous afterlife awaits infidels! A Creator surely loves the way creatures intuitively think they ought to love. We pursue such love through common moral sense. 

Questioning one’s beliefs can be painful 

For one to question a main belief they have been taught in church all their life, such as if Hell is real, can create doubts about other beliefs they have been taught.  Perceived certainty rather than uncertainty is more comforting psychologically. Unknowing can create confusion or anxiety. Anxiety is avoided by not discussing one’s beliefs with others who believe differently. 

We tend to think with our emotions rather than exploring evidence 

We often don’t change our mind because we make decisions based on our feelings than cognitions. Should we make buying decisions based on if we want it as opposed to whether we can afford it? Should we date or marry someone based only on feelings or based on their actions? In our recent election, many voted based on there feelings about a particular candidate. Without specific evidence one is Hitler incarnated or truly a Communist, I am convinced a wiser choice is to vote based on policies/cognitions I believe best for the future of my children, grandchildren, and country.

We often don’t change our mind because we avoid contrarian discussion

We often avoid discussions with those with different opinions for various reasons. The problem is the path to change often is considering opposing beliefs. It isn’t science without debate. Theologians who claim their views are God’s Word and don’t invite debate – are they afraid to defend their views in public so individuals can decide for themselves and possibly disagree. Theologians who hide behind “God said,” are claiming to be holier than those than disagree with them. Politicians who don’t invite debate – don’t trust them further than you can throw them.

Changing one’s mind requires admitting you were wrong 

Changing one’s mind in public requires humility. I am not claiming to be innocent, just stating the obvious. I trust more those who openly acknowledge when they were wrong. Trust religious leaders, politicians, or scientists who openly admit they were wrong and explain why they believed as they did initially. Many remain silent and hope you don’t notice their change in opinion.

Changing one’s mind can have consequences

Disagreeing with church leadership about God’s character can lead to isolation or being blacklisted. Thriving societies must support individuals being allowed to form their own opinions without threats when universal agreement isn’t obvious. Groupthink is just human nature. Most humans desire to integrate with a group, get along with its members, and benefit from them. Discussing opposing beliefs can be uncomfortable. The loner must fend for himself. If you leave your group, your options are limited to joining the opposing group or being alone. For most of us, neither option is appealing. Being your own person is a tough business. 

Changing one mind means embracing uncertainty 

Certainty is an illusion unless talking about universal moral sins such as rape or incest. Adultery isn’t only wrong in the eyes of the betrayer. Assume uncertainty if you have one rational friend who believes differently from you whether it’s about religion or politics. Those who claim certainty often are naïve and may have other internal motives. Most decisions are not black and white and require open debate. Couples who claim certainty are headed toward divorce or a sucky relationship. God-followers and religious leaders seem hell-bent in telling people what they must believe about God according to their understanding and interpretation of the Bible. Politicians who refuse debate of their policies are no different. Leaders play God (Superior) in the lives of others by claiming to know the truth and we can’t decide for ourselves. 

Civil discussions are critical in the pursuit of truth 

Obviously, we may also avoid disagreements because such discussions can get heated. We must control our emotions when discussing our beliefs. We must talk to others like we want to be talked to. We must stop labelling others. We often are quick to consider or call others heretics or conspiracists when differing in religion or politics. How about thinking one has a different opinion than resorting to name calling!

  • We must stop thinking our views are morally superior to those we disagree with unless speaking of universal accepted moral truths
  • We must handle differences with physical and emotional civility, accepting that misinformation isn’t opinions that don’t agree with our own
  • We can begin conversations by looking for areas we agree
  • We can defend our reasoning, respect the opinions of others, and commit to pursuit of truth

What Humanly Is The Hardest Thing To Do?

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. He couldn’t find enough people to discuss God openly so he started blogging years ago. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

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What About Our Emotions — Behind the Mask

Posted in Acceptance of Others, christian living, Love of God, tagged , , , , , , on July 19, 2023|

by Jim Gordon

Growing up in Christianity, I found myself usually wearing a mask when I went to church. Not a physical mask, but an imaginary mask to hide my true emotions. I always wore a smile on my face and I always acted like everything was good. When people would ask me how I was doing I would always say I’m doing great. The problem was I did not always feel like smiling. I was not always doing great.

So often in our Christian walk we get the idea that we cannot be ourselves and we have to hide our true emotions. We have to always be upbeat and positive and we cannot let people see we are normal human beings who have bad days.

I am not sure where that whole idea came from, but it is not wrong for our human emotions to be seen. We are not always going to be happy or in a good mood, and there will be times when we are mad, aggravated, worried or depressed. That is just being a normal human being, yet no matter what, we know that God loves us.

I think we need to come to the point where we are not afraid to be the real us. We need to take off the mask and just be human. That certainly does not mean we go around grumbling and complaining to everyone we meet. We do not yell and take our frustrations out on everyone every time we see them. Yet we should not hide who we really are or how we really feel.

When we have those days of frustration and depression, it is then our brothers and sisters and those who care about us can be a help and encouragement to lift us up.

As followers of Christ, we have a deep-down sense of spiritual peace and joy that passes comprehension. That does not mean there are times when our humanity is just not lined up with our spiritual reality.

That is why we need one another, why we need fellow believers and friends who care about us. None of us are always in a good mood. When we are down, our friends can help lift us up. When they are down, we can help lift them up.

Friendship, whether it is between fellow believers or people who see things completely opposite, is important to our well-being. Being friends does not have to be with people of the same faith or with similar views. Jesus said to love God and love your neighbor. Our neighbor, whether a fellow believer or not, can be a good friend when we look past the differences and love one another.

Jim Gordon and his wife left the institutional church after spending over fifty years within the system. Jim wanted a way to express his thoughts and concerns about the religious system and why he and his wife decided to leave the institution but not their faith in God. Jim can be contacted by email at: jimgordon731@gmail.com

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The Feels

Posted in christian living, tagged , , , , , on April 5, 2019| 2 Comments »

by Shannon Glenn, Guest Blogger

In the world of fandoms, “the feels” refers to the intense emotion we experience when remembering a powerful scene in a book, TV show, or movie. The most recent example I can think of is how everyone took a shot to “the feels” when we watched everyone fade to dust after Thanos snapped his fingers at the end of Avengers: Infinity War. I think most of us who had invested so much in all of our beloved Marvel characters felt like we had lost actual loved ones. I could not speak of Loki without tearing up for at least a week! In many situations these characters feel more real to us than some of the people we deal with on a daily basis.

As a child, I have very distinct memories of experiencing “the feels” of almost everyone around me. I cried when they cried, and I wanted to help everyone. Though it seemed odd strangers would often tell me their life story. I simply attributed it to being a good listener. I thought everyone was like me, but I found out quickly few people have this gift. Everyone loves to be around someone who has this gift, at least for a while. Life with humans reveals we often have a heavy price to pay when we love first and ask questions later.

The first time I heard the word Empath was based on a character named Counselor Deanna Troi on Star Trek the Next Generation. I saw myself in her. I would know if someone felt afraid or could sense if they were being dishonest, but at the time I did not know to trust myself.  Often people would look at me crazy when I would walk away from a conversation and indicate a person was lying. I would say things like, “You can’t trust them. I just know it’s a bad idea,” or “They are furious at me and did not show it.” Anytime those around me or I would discount those nudges, we would pay the price. I have a trail of broken relationships (which I likely should never have invested in) because those I loved and followed did not listen to my warnings. I’ve learned the hard way to trust my instincts.

Life in the American Fundamentalist Christian Bubble does not make room for empaths. I was told it was simply “new age hooey” so I learned to bury my gift and hide a part of myself.  I do not believe my gift, and I do now believe it is a gift, was given to be stifled because it does not fit in the ribbon wrapped box of American Christianity. The case can be made that Jesus himself was an empath as He was moved with compassion to restore the crippled, heal the lame, open blind eyes, and raise the dead.  He even confronted the religious leaders as He perceived their thoughts revealing true motives and intentions. These things can’t be explained away with the simple explanation of He was God. Scripture says He was moved and He perceived which indicates He identified and understood their situation, position, and intention.

After walking away from the church system a few years ago, I have been able to fully embrace being an empath. I believe this gift was given for a reason, and I use it to help those around me. However, I’ve now learned I must set up healthy boundaries which I never had before. It is not necessary to always reveal what you may know as it’s the equivalent to tipping your poker hand, and all things tend to be revealed in the right time. After a lifetime of hurt feelings and broken friendships, I am moving forward. I recently listened to the song “Walk On” by U2 which I had always loved. However, this time it really spoke to me. “I know it aches, how your heart it breaks you can only take so much” just echoed in my mind. I have been learning to walk on for many years and suspect I will do so for years to come.  I will continue to embrace the feels because it’s what makes me who I am. Sometimes I will hurt, sometimes I will laugh, but finally I will be able to feel them without doubting myself or my instincts and that is a freedom worth walking toward.

Peace and Love!

Shannon

You can check out more of Shannon’s writing at Life of a Prodigal or click below for other posts she has contributed to Confessions of a Recovering Churchboy.

 

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Is It OK to Get Mad?

Posted in christian living, tagged , , , , , on May 27, 2015| 3 Comments »

I’m sure we have all heard the verse, be angry and sin not, let not the sun go down on your anger. I always wondered what that meant, was it OK to get mad? The verse is from several verses talking about our new life in Christ and how it is different from our old life.

Growing up in the organized church, getting mad was a sin. We were always told you should not get mad or show anger toward anyone. Yet this verse always confused me. When talking about our new life in Christ, was it really OK to be angry?

I thought about the day Jesus entered the temple and was causing a big commotion with the money changers. It sure seemed to me he was mad at that point.

moneychangers

At work one day, I sat and listened as a couple guys were talking and noticed the conversation was getting heated. I could hear in their voices the anger rising up. Yet, when one of them needed some help with a certain project, he asked the guy he was arguing with to help him. Surprisingly to me, the guy stopped and went to help do what was needed.

I thought to myself, wow, I have been in numerous church administrative board meetings in the past and heard people get mad and argue, and literally storm off like they were enemies. Yet, here were two people arguing that same way, yet not showing any hatred toward the other.

I think that is what this verse is saying, it is not wrong to have feelings, opinions and reactions. It is not wrong to get mad and argue, but do not let your arguing lead to hatred of the other person. Do not let the sun go down on your anger to me is saying get mad, let your thoughts and feelings out, and get over it. Do not hold onto your feelings of being mad.

I think a lot of times that old teaching from my Sunday school days keeps coming through and I hold my feelings and emotions in rather than express myself. I am coming to find that the best thing to do is communicate my feelings, even get mad if necessary, but be respectful and do not hold onto those feelings. Get mad, get it out and move on.

arguing

Of course that does not mean we get mad and argue over petty things all the time, but when something deep within you needs expressed, you should do so. It seems that when we are free to express ourselves, discuss our thoughts, even get mad about it, we are actually creating a more open and real relationship with the other person. As long as we can do so without holding onto the bad feelings and get over being mad.

It is a hard thing to be mad about something and argue with someone, yet do so in a loving and respectful way. It is certainly not the natural way, but with God’s love within us it can be a reality.

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