For those of us who have left organized religion, I am finding a lot of us go through similar steps in the process.
There are months, or in our case, years of dissatisfaction and questioning. My wife and I knew for a long time something was not right within the church but kept thinking it was just us or the church we were attending. We would try different churches and find our feelings were the same.
Once we got to the point that we considered leaving church was very much a possibility, the next step was to really question ourselves. Thoughts like are we really Christians, are we backsliding, are we losing our religion? We began to feel something was wrong with us and wondered what others were going to think.
Leaving church
Next was the decision to stop attending something we felt was way off base from what true Church should be. There were feelings to keep this to ourselves, do not tell anyone, just stop attending and keep quiet. In our case that was easy. We had been a part of a large fellowship for several few years but never got involved in other activities. We went to the Sunday morning service but did not attend small groups or any other activity. This made it much easier not having to explain our actions to anyone else because no one ever missed us. To those of you who have made this decision and were very much involved in all the activities, even pastors or leaders in the church, we applaud you for making such a decision.
Next came the ‘us vs. them’ mentality. We wanted to look at the organized church almost as an enemy. We would point out where they were wrong and why they were wrong. We wanted to associate only with those who felt the same as we did and did not want to associate with those still in the religious game. Obviously this is not the way to feel or treat people.
Acceptance of all People
The next step was realizing God loves all people not just those who attend a religious service every time the doors are open. God actually loves those outside the walls of the organized church no matter what line of thought, doctrine, religion or lifestyle they choose. Jesus came to love people and show each of us the love of God. We came to realize that we are called to love and accept everyone no matter what their beliefs just as God loves us. We no longer cared what people thought of our decision, we just wanted to love and accept each of them whether they are in church, outside the walls, or even if they are not believers at all. So many times while in religion we felt we were to love those who were believers, especially those in our own church. We now realize that God’s love is for everyone, not just Christians. We are to love and accept others just as they are, looking past the labels others put on them and seeing them as human beings.
We are sure this is not a complete list of steps, but it is as far as we are for now. We are thankful for the years we had in the church as we learned a lot and made a lot of friends. We are equally thankful for the decision we made to leave the church and focus more on the Church (ecclesia). That Church is made up of people who are saved by grace, following Christ, equally functioning parts of the body, and who touch others day by day with the love of God.
We are all on different paths in life, but we know that God is with us and leading us each step of the way. We continue to keep the faith, keep our eyes on Jesus, love others and be the Church each and every day.
Done with Religion 
Thank you machba.
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Thanks to both of you for being willing to share your experiences online. I am on a similar road.
“It encourages me tremendously to know that others have gone and are going through similar things. It is also a kind of spiritual confirmation that we are not completely off the rails.”
Amen!
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I understand how you feel. Having been in the church for 58 years it was a hard decision to leave. I was not hurt or abused, no one made me mad or asked me to leave. It was a choice my wife and I made because we felt a deep dissatisfaction with the organization. I know, there are many questions and many times wondering if we are doing the right thing, yet we have no real desire to go back. We are finding friends to fellowship with who are going through the same thing and it’s exciting to follow our Father outside the wall of religion and see where He takes us.
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Thank you so much for your response and for visiting my page as well. It encourages me tremendously to know that others have gone and are going through similar things. It is also a kind of spiritual confirmation that we are not completely off the rails. I’m not sure what it all means or what it’s going to look like, but I have a sense that the kind of “scattering” that I see among many Christians who are sharing their stories in books and on the internet is something special that God is doing today among His people. I believe that it corresponds to the Lord’s call to “come out of her” and “come to ME.” Thank you for sharing. I will keep in touch. Your blog, and others like it, has been an encouragement to share my own story.
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I’m glad the article was a help. For my wife and I, both of us grew up in the church, and deciding to leave was a long drawn out process. We felt maybe something was wrong with us, or maybe we were just in the wrong church, yet after trying several different churches and finding the same frustrations and same feelings of something just isn’t right, we left. I have to say, our first instinct was to find a house church or small group, or just take a short break and try another church. None of this worked out, and we have found over time God brings someone into our lives to encourage us and keep us going outside the walls of a church. We look at each day as a new opportunity for God to provide fellowship and encouragement. We have pretty much lost the desire to ‘go’ to a group and rely on Him to provide. We have met some pretty nice and interesting people over time, some of which we continue to meet with, others have moved on. We are finding there are a lot more people out there who feel like us and aren’t sure what to do either. There are many people online I am finding who feel the same yet are in other states, so online fellowship is all that is available for some, although this does provide fellowship and encouragement. Hang in there, keep trusting God and feel free to email to us anytime. Thanks so much for your comment.
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This is very helpful and encouraging to read. My wife and I have recently embarked on a similar journey. We were just newlyweds when I began to realize that the whole church system we were in (in which I was a prominent young full-time worker) actually stunk to high heaven. It’s been a very painful process, but we’ve recently moved out of state to make the transition a little bit easier (like pulling off a Band-Aid). It’s been hard, and I’ve recently started blogging about it too. I guess the biggest question I have is–what does life look like further along in this process? It’s hard to stay encouraged. I’ve lost a lot of the judgmentalism, but I’m still in the place where I’m questioning whether I actually believe in any of it anymore. For sure the hardest thing has been losing our entire community and support network (practically everyone we’d ever really known), not to mention our sense of “purpose.”
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Yes, some people are made to feel guilty is they are not there every time the doors are open. Also true a lot of churches are social clubs, missing the point of telling others about Jesus and the love of the Father. Thanks for commenting.
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So true Matthew. The Church is a community of people who are out there living for Christ day by day, showing others the love of God. Thanks for your comment.
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I agree with that you don’t have to be in church every service. Some churches are social clubs in my opinion.
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My sentiments exactly! I wish more people would grasp this truth. The church will continue to die if it doesn’t leave the building.
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