By Mike Edwards
There are many advantages to being a part of a group of people who seek to encourage one another about God. Many of us had to leave the building but we haven’t left God. I will cite a well-researched book that interviews “dones” (Church Refugees by Packard and Hope). I will ask you at the end what your experience has been.
Why I left the church building
I will be brief. I was being taught beliefs about God that didn’t make moral sense of a loving God. They still don’t four decades later. My journey led me to question if Hell is real, if God only lets Christians into heaven, if God determines spiritual roles based on gender than gifts, and if God condemns gays. There are sixteen main misbeliefs about God I write about mostly. See here. Eventually my journey led to starting and naming my blog What God May Really Be Like
I eventually stop going to the building because I couldn’t stop believing what I was learning. Whatever the leaders of the church teach is want most of the members believe. There was rarely open dialogue or in my opinion intellectual honesty, so I left. I have no desire to be divisive or undermine people’s faith.
Church Refugees seems to suggest the following reasons people left the church building:
- Lack of real community. Leaders were quick to judge rather than listen and then listen some more. It is important to earn the relational right to judge.
- Lack of responsible stewardship. 60% of the budget went toward the 90-minute show without serving better those outside the building. The lights have to stay on but isn’t there better uses of the money?
- Lack of meaningful dialogue. Being preached at doesn’t allow open discussions. Being so damn certain all the time is hardly relational, especially when even scholars disagree what the Bible says about issues impacting the lives of so many people.
- Lack of grace. People weren’t looking to excuse their moral failures, but why can’t we focus less on sexual behaviors and more on the poor, homeless, etc. Who is perfect!
I am sure there are many, many reasons people leave the church. Abuse by leadership is real and why many may not only leave the church but God as well. I left because there were no outlets to talk about beliefs claimed about God that I was concerned was leading others away from God.
Why do you think others left or why did you leave the building?
Done with Religion 
Thanks Todd.
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Good articles. Keep writing.
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Thanks for sharing.
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I agree 1000 percent with those four reasons people leave, especially in relation to the lack of genuine fellowship. I’ve been warning church leaders of this for several years, but those warnings only fall to the ground. “Oh NO! We must stick to our three songs and a sermon!” Now I visit their facebook page from time to time only to see more empty chairs every time, filled mostly with grey-haired folks.
The younger generation says that Christianity is dead or dying. I tell them that’s impossible, but what is dying is the sorry way we’ve been representing it with our buildings and religion. That’s what they’re witnessing.
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Hi Marion, it was about the same for me. After many years in the institutional church, I came to realize it was not what God intended. I also read Pagan Christianity, along with many others. It was good to know I was not crazy and there were others who felt the same. Thanks for your comment.
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I left the building a year or 2 after leaving a spiritually abusive church in 2010. In my research into that, I found Frank Viola’s book Pagan Christianity. After reading that I found myself just criticizing the services. Once you find out where all these traditions came from, it pretty well spoils it for all time and eternity! And in following years, I’ve come to question a lot of the doctrines and traditions I was taught, the hell doctrine being one of the main ones. As Keith Giles puts it, it’s a process of deconstruction, then reconstruction, and all you wonderful people have been such a great help!
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