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Posts Tagged ‘kindness’

by Jim Gordon

It is easy to see that people can quickly take a stand on one side or the other of an issue to which they feel strongly.

Many are pro-life and anti-abortion; pro-American and anti-refugee; pro-Christian and anti-Muslim; pro-marriage and anti-LGBTQ, and on and on it goes. Whichever side is taken it can often be very intense.

We all have a right to our opinion and to express our opinion. Yet I do not feel we have the right to express our opinions with judgment, condemnation and hatred.

Many groups of people have suffered judgment and condemnation from those of the Christian belief. It is sad that some who claim to follow the example of Jesus can be so hateful towards people they think are doing life wrong.

My personal belief is that Jesus said to love God and love one another. He never told us to condemn and hate people. Even when we disagree on the topics, we are still to be respectful and loving to everyone.

Love, kindness, respect and accepting people for who they are is the way of Jesus. He never condemned, never hated, never sought revenge. Sure, he often said go and sin no more, yet he never made the person feel terrible and he never followed up making sure that person actually did not sin again.

I feel Jesus said to sin no more because he knew what the effects of sin were on the person. He did not want them to go through the guilt and shame, but wanted them to be free to share his love with others.

Today there are many topics on which people take sides. Many that stir people up to do some very unkind and unloving things. As followers of Jesus we are to go a different route. We are to show his love and acceptance to everyone. We do not need to point out what we feel are sins of others. Not everything is a sin just because some people think it is. God can work in the life of each person to deal with what needs done without us throwing in our two cents. We are only told to love God and love people.

So, go ahead and take a stand on the issues that are important to you. Vote for who you feel will do the best job and give equal rights and fair treatment to all people. Yet do these things with kindness and respect for those who see things differently. Show the love of God to everyone no matter if you agree or not. Love is the way of God and it is to be the way of those who are followers of God.

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by Rocky Glenn

When James Hunter mirrored the skills of leadership listed in The World’s Greatest Leadership Principle: How To Become A Servant Leader to Paul’s attributes of love from 1 Corinthians 13, he provided more than simply how to be a great leader. He spelled out practical ways of showing love and provided insight on being a great human. When I first set out to detail each of the skills here, I naturally thought the eight traits would divide into four posts of two skills each. However, as I begin studying them more, the breakdown I’ve used seem to fall off the pages right before me.

As I’ve stated in each post, Hunter’s ultimate definition of love is the act of extending yourself for others by identifying and meeting their legitimate needs and seeking their great good. Patience and kindness are the first traits listed and are the first steps on the road to extending oneself. For most of us, patience and kindness come rather easily, at least externally, as we always strive to show our best face to strangers and others we seek to hide our true selves from. The act of extending was further displayed as we then discussed humility, respect, and selflessness. These three skills provide the motivation to allow us to be patient and kind as the more aware we become of treating others with respect and seeing we are human and all the same the more patience and kindness flow naturally from us. I truly believe the last three skills discussed cause the greatest extension of ourselves when practicing love.

To once again borrow the words of C. S. Lewis:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

Extending yourself makes you vulnerable. In other words, to love is to be open to hurt. These last three skills guide us in dealing with hurt.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is defined as letting go of resentment. It’s one of the most important character skills for a person to possess: because people are human and will make mistakes, a lot of them. Your spouse, your kids, your parents, your boss, your coworkers, your teammates are going to screw up and let you down. We must be willing to accept limitations in others and develop the capacity to tolerate imperfection. The skill of letting go of resentment that lingers when people have hurt us, falsely accused us, threw us under the bus, and generally let us down is not about being passive or letting people get away with bad behavior or pretending the bad behavior is acceptable. Forgiveness involves going to people and communicating how what have done has affected you, dealing with it, letting go of any lingering resentment. Resentment destroys the human personality. Harboring resentment, seeking revenge, and obsessing about what others have done to us often causes us to become spiteful and hateful. When our pride and feelings are hurt, we justify not letting people off the hook.

Hunter explains forgiveness occurs when we separate people from behavior. We all do bad things but aren’t necessarily bad people. Are we as willing to let others off the hook as easily as we do ourselves? I was once told by a man I loved dearly, “Rock, we only accuse others of what we are capable of doing ourselves.” I hated hearing those words. I refused to admit the judgments I made mentally against others were only because I had the ability to do the exact the same things. Then the words of Paul is his letter to the Romans wafted through my thick head, “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.”

Honesty

Honesty is simply being free from deception. Trust is the glue that holds relationships together. Trust is built by behaving with honesty, it requires effort, and comes through communication of listening and speaking. One major aspect of honesty which is rather difficult is accountability. Failure to hold people accountable for their actions is deceptive and is not living up the responsibility of helping others be the best they can be and provides the false illusion that everything is okay. Dishonesty and deception take root in our heart as unforgiveness is allowed to dwell. Gandhi stated, “One man cannot do right in one department of life whilst he is occupied in doing wrong in any other department. Life is one indivisible whole.”

Commitment

Commitment is defined as sticking to your choice. Practicing the skill of love requires commitment and passion for personal continuous improvement as well as a passion for doing what you say you are going to do, following through on promises, and finishing what you started. Commitment is about being loyal to people on the team and being there for others when they fail or when they need your help. It’s not about blind loyalty – doing the right thing always trumps loyalty. Commitment is having the moral courage to do the right thing regardless of friendships or alliances, even if its unpopular or comes with personal risk. Moral courage is the resolve to subordinate anything that gets in the way of doing the right thing. When all is said done, that right thing is always love.

Forgiveness, honesty, and commitment require vulnerability. To be vulnerable is to be capable of being physically or emotionally wounded and possibly open to attack or damage. It’s not a popular idea today to love to the extent of being vulnerable and possibly exposing yourself to hurt; however, as Paul reminds us in the closing of his famous words on the subject, “Love never fails.”

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by Rocky Glenn

To be completely honest, the title of this series does not agree with me.  It makes no sense to think of love as a skill.  To think of love in such a manner takes the mystery out of it and seems to reduce it to nothing more than a learned trait or ability.  We romanticize love as something spontaneous which just happens and is uncontrollable, but maybe our idealization of love is why we experience a lack thereof.  By definition, a skill is the ability to do something well, based upon one’s knowledge and practice.  According to the Oxford dictionary, to practice is to perform (an activity) or exercise (a skill) repeatedly or regularly in order to acquire, improve or maintain proficiency in it.  Could it be because we haven’t been taught to practice the eight characteristics of love listed by Paul that we see so little of it in action in our everyday lives?    

As I shared previously, the study of leadership and love based upon James C. Hunter’s The World’s Greatest Leadership Principle: How To Become A Servant Leader has provided a more practical application of Paul’s components of love than I have previously encountered.  Hunter’s description of each of the eight characteristics have provided more of a mirror than I imagined into my own personal thoughts, motivations, and behaviors.  Remember, Hunter defines love as the act of extending yourself for others by identifying and meeting their legitimate needs and seeking their great good.  Defining love as an act indicates love is a verb and takes action.  In short, love does.  Love is not a feeling and not based on our feelings but is a choice we make and exhibit through our behaviors.  In this post, I begin sharing each of those traits in more detail as explained by Hunter.

Patience

Patience is typically defined as displaying self-control and most commonly thought of as being seen in times of waiting.  Hunter puts a different spin on patience by defining it more clearly as impulse control.  An impulse is a strong desire or urge to act suddenly and reactively.  Impulses are knee-jerk reactions displayed with little to no consideration of consequence to such reactions.  Those given to impulses will generally offer excuses such as “This is just the way I am,” or “You know how I am” to excuse their out of control behavior when losing their temper or flying off the handle.  To rely on such an excuse is a refusal to extend oneself for others.  Practicing impulse control teaches us to respond not according to what we feel but according to what is the right thing to do.  Patience makes us consistent and predictable in both mood and actions and causes us to be easy to be with and approachable.  Paul describes this as forbearance and moderation in his letter to the Philippians and states this quality of our lives should be evident to all.

To gaze into the mirror of patience is to consider the memories of blowing it, losing your cool, and erupting in angry, volcanic outbursts.  Even if the emotions behind the outbursts are truthful, justified, and legitimate, would you have responded in like fashion had you taken pause to understand and consider the damage such a reaction could cause to those on the receiving end?  What if the recipient of your lack of patience were a VIP, dignitary, or someone whom you wished to impress?  Would your response have been the same or would you have magically been able to control yourself and your impulses?

Kindness

The common definition of kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.  Kindness requires us to reach out and extend ourselves by being courteous and listening well even to people we may not be particularly fond of.   Hunter defines kindness as displaying common courtesy to others.  By dubbing kindness the WD40 of relationships, he explains common courtesies are the little things that help relationships flow smoothly.  Little things most of us would simply refer to as manners like saying “Please”, “Thank you”, “I’m sorry”, “I was wrong”, or even “Good morning!”

Kindness is also about showing appreciation and encouragement to others.  Hunter reminds us of the famous words of Mother Teresa, “People crave appreciation more than they crave bread.”  Everyone wants to know they matter and are valued.  Kind people are listening people.  We’ve all been cut short in conversation and interrupted by others who simply can’t wait for us to stop speaking so they can say what’s on their mind.  It’s obvious they aren’t listening as they nearly trip over the words they can’t wait to say.  Taking a moment to pause and consider how devalued and under appreciated you feel in such circumstances will help lead you on the path to kindness towards others.

If love is truly the act of extending yourself and seeking someone’s greater good, patience and kindness must be the first steps of extension as they allow others to feel safe around us.  It’s written perfect love drives out all fear.  As we become known for our generosity and approachability, the fear of rejection will disappear.  It will not always be easy or convenient to practice patience and kindness, but, just as athletes train for competition and musicians rehearse for a performance, the more we practice each of these skills, the more proficient we become.

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by Rocky Glenn

I recently shared a trio of posts from 2017 detailing Paul’s definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13.  Unbeknownst to me in late September as I was meditating upon Paul’s words and what I had previously written, I was about to embark on a nine to twelve-week training with my company which would cause further reflection on the famous passage.  As part of my employers’ ongoing and relentless commitment to the personal betterment of their staff both professionally and personally, we have been on a journey through James C. Hunter’s The World’s Greatest Leadership Principle: How To Become A Servant Leader.  Hunter concludes leadership skills and character development are one and the same.  He builds his writing upon a foundation of the most sought-after leadership skills mirroring the same attributes of love described by Paul and therefore devoted the largest chapter of the book to detailing and defining each of these characteristics.

I was honored to be selected to present this chapter to the staff and discovered Hunter’s words to be some of the most practical applications of love I’ve yet to find.  If truly applied and practiced, I believe the qualities and skills he details can impact not just one’s workplace, but every relationship, interaction, and encounter we experience in life.

Depending on one’s personal preference of scripture version, the exact terms listed by Paul may vary although the meanings remain.  Due to this, for simplicity’s sake we will define the eight attributes of love as the leadership skills Hunter lists:

Patience – Kindness – Humility – Respect

Selflessness – Forgiveness – Honesty – Commitment

Before examining each of these, it’s important to understand a key distinction of love Hunter declares in his writing and why it is considered a skill.  Love is not about feelings, it is about how we behave.  While feelings have the power to influence decisions and behaviors, they have nothing to do with the choices we make to practice the qualities listed above.  According to C. S. Lewis, “Love in the Christian sense, does not mean an emotion.  It is a state not of feelings but of the will; that state of the will which we have naturally about ourselves, and must learn to have about other people.” Notice how Lewis embodies the words of Jesus to love our neighbor as ourselves.  He points out love is a matter of will we have naturally about ourselves and should choose to have towards others.  These words of Jesus, recorded as the second greatest commandment, have been etched in my brain from an early age, but Hunter’s determination of love being a skill shines a light on the command I’ve yet to see until this point in my life. Feelings have no effect on our skills and therefore should have nothing to do with the choice to remain kind, respectful, forgiving, and committed.  By definition, skill is the ability to do something well, based upon one’s knowledge and practice.  As followers of Jesus, we should be known as those who love well and therefore love should be a skill in which we are most proficient as we practice patience, kindness, humility, respect, selflessness, forgiveness, honesty, and commitment.

In his book, Hunter embodies the words of both Jesus and Lewis in defining love as the act of extending yourself for others by identifying and meeting their legitimate needs and seeking their great good.  In simple terms, love is as love does.  It’s of little use for me to make a claim of loving someone if I do not embody the skills of love.

Love looks like Patience.

Love looks like Kindness.

Love looks like Humility.

Love looks like Respect.

Love looks like Selflessness.

Love looks like Forgiveness.

Love looks like Honesty.

Love looks like Commitment.

The journey through Hunter’s book has been an unexpected experience.  Previous leadership books I’ve read have done little more than provide how to lists of being a better leader while causing reflection upon those I may have once reported to and making determinations of I will or will not be like them.  Servant leadership, as described by Hunter, becomes more of a mirror into one’s own life reflecting what is truly present or may be lacking in efforts to become not just a better leader, but a better person.

Over the next few weeks, I will take a closer look at each of these skills and discuss them in greater detail sharing more of Hunter’s thoughts.  I will note, however, this discussion is not in efforts of making a to do list or checklist for the sake of proving whether one is loving.  It’s simply to share a new glimpse of love which has given me pause and made me consider my own behaviors towards others regardless of what I may be feeling.   Love is not about feelings, it’s about how we behave.

Rocky

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by Jim Gordon

Kindness is something you do not find much in our world today.

The Bible speaks about kindness many times. Kindness is one of the fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22.

The dictionary says kindness is being considerate or helpful. I think the world would be a better place if everyone treated each other with kindness.

It usually does not take much to be kind. Sometimes I think we make it harder than it should be. Something as simple and easy as a genuine smile can brighten the day of a person who is not expecting it.

bekindtooneanother

Being polite and kind to others can sometimes be just what they need to make their day. Holding the door for someone, letting them go ahead of you in line, smiling and saying hello, treating them with respect, things like that can go a long way to lift someone up.

In his book ‘It Worked for Me In Life and Leadership‘, Colin Powell said “Kindness connects you with other human beings in a bond of mutual respect. If you care for your followers and show them kindness, they will reciprocate and care for you”. Showing kindness can be beneficial not only to those you show kindness to, but to yourself as well.

We also need to remember that truly showing kindness goes beyond just the basic acts of being nice. Here is another quote from Colin Powell’s book “Don’t just show kindness in passing or to be courteous. Show it in depth, show in with passion, and expect nothing in return. Kindness is not just about being nice; it’s about recognizing another human being who deserves care and respect”. I personally think that when the love of God flows from within us, we can show kindness out of general concern and interest for others.

It is sad that so often it seems that even Christians have a hard time treating each other with kindness. There is so much disagreement, fighting and arguing over views and interpretations. We seem to forget that as Christians we all have the common ground of faith in Christ and we are all children of God. Even when we do not agree there is no reason why we cannot be kind and respectful to one another.

Be ready to show acts of kindness each day. See others as just as important as yourself. Let the love of God flow from you to genuinely touch the lives of others. You never know who it may affect and where it may lead.

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by Jim Gordon

In a day when many feel it is the job of the Christian to point out the sins and mistakes of others, I personally do not see Jesus being that way.

Jesus associated with all kinds of people and he showed love toward them. He was genuinely interested in them and accepted them. That does not mean he always agreed with them, but he accepted them as they were. He treated them with love and respect.

Acceptance does not necessarily mean we agree or condone the actions of another, it means we are kind, respectful and show the love of God to them. We obviously are not all going to agree on things, yet we should be able to treat one another with kindness.

Many say we have to point out the sins of others and warn them of impending doom or we are not fulfilling our obligation as a Christian. Yet I feel that we are told the Spirit will convict people of changes that should be made. The Spirit will draw people to the Father. We are not called to do the work of the Spirit, we are called to show the love of the Father to all people.

AcceptOneAnother

My opinion is that showing love and acceptance to people is more in line with the way Jesus treated others. He did not condemn, he did not hate, he did not associate only for ulterior motives of getting people to join him. In fact, the only people Jesus seemed to have issues with were the religious leaders who thought they were so much holier than others. They were mad at Jesus for associating with people they determined were the sinners and lower class of the day.

For me, rather than point out sins, rather than show condemnation and many times down right hatred towards people, I would rather do what Jesus tells us to do. Love God will all your heart, soul, strength and mind and love your neighbor (all people) as yourself.

We love through the power of the Holy Spirit within us. Love and genuine friendship will draw people into conversations and respect for one another, thus providing an atmosphere where we can all learn from one another and respect one another.

Unfortunately, one of the major issues many christians seem to have is in regard to LGBTQ issues. I am not sure why, but people who consider this to be a sin jump on this issue more than anything.

To me, I like to follow this way of thinking. Whether you are LGBTQ affirming or not, there is no reason to treat people with hate and contempt. Whatever you think about LGBTQ, right or wrong, affirming or non-affirming, be respectful, kind and show the love of God to all people.

We are all made in the image of God. We all have our interpretations and opinions. We each have to follow what we feel is right for us, but we do not have to force our views on others. We all deserve respect and the same equal rights as anyone else.

Accept each other for who we are and follow your convictions for yourself. There is no reason to be hateful toward anyone. We are all loved by God just the way we are now. If there is anything that needs to be corrected or changed in us, the Spirit will gently persuade us in the way we should go. It is not up to people to do the work of the Spirit.

Love and accept others. This means LGBTQ, atheist, people from different religions, races and nationalities. We do not all have to agree. Show each other love. Love makes more of an impact on people than does hatred, condemnation and forcing personal views on them.

Remember we are not told to go force our views and beliefs on others. We are told to love God and love our neighbors as ourselves.

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In a day when tempers seem to flare more often and people seem to be less kind to others, it does not take much to make a difference in the day of someone you meet.

We hear on the news and social media the acts of rage, discrimination, meanness, lack of respect and overall disregard for other human beings.

We have racial discrimination, gay people are made to feel like they are hated, religious people are made fun of, atheist are made to feel like an enemy of Christianity and on and on it goes. Yet underneath all the labels are human beings who are loved by God and are to be loved by us.

My feeling is no matter what you think is right or wrong, whichever way you choose to live your life there is no reason to treat others with judgment and condemnation.

BeKind

Being respectful, kind and accepting of others does not mean we always agree. We can treat others with kindness and as equals and still stick with our individual beliefs. We do not have to force our views on others and try to make them see things our way.

Being nice to people can change their attitude and outlook for the day. Giving others a smile, respect, doing a simple act of kindness can touch someone who is frustrated, depressed or just losing hope in the whole human race.

Rather than always being against someone or trying to force your views and way of life on others, put aside your personal beliefs and treat others with kindness and respect. To me that is following the example of Jesus and a way of encouraging a fellow human being who can then pass it along to others.

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Kindness is something you do not find very often in our world today.

The Bible speaks about kindness many times. Kindness is one of the fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22.

The dictionary says kindness is being considerate or helpful. I think the world would be a better place if everyone treated each other with kindness. Being kind and accepting others does not mean we are always going to agree, yet we can be kind and respect each other in our differences.

It usually does not take a lot to be kind. Sometimes I think we make it too hard, especially when something so simple and easy as a genuine smile can brighten someone’s day. Being polite and kind to others can sometimes be just what they need to make their day. Holding the door for someone, letting them go ahead of you in line, smiling and saying hello, you never know.

kindness1a

The little everyday things we can do to show others kindness can be an encouragement to them and a way of living out the love of Christ.

These days it seems we even have a hard time with Christians treating each other with kindness. We want to fight and argue over our views and interpretations and forget that as Christians, we all have the common ground of faith in Christ.

A friend of mine recently talked about relationships and how they seem to come to an end. He said it is based on what the relationship is about. If it is based on some thing or some activity, once we get tired of that particular thing and move on, the relationships based on that activity willl usually come to an end. Only the common ground of faith in Christ and His grace is what does not change and the one thing that can hold together a friendship.

Let’s see if we can make a point to do one act of kindness each day. You never know where it may lead.

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Kindness is something you do not find much of in our world today.

The Bible speaks about kindness many times. Kindness is one of the fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22.

The dictionary says kindness is being considerate, or helpful. I think the world be a better place if everyone treated each other with kindness. I am talking about all people, even those you do not agree with in life. Those who have different interpretations, lifestyles, sexual orientations, political stands or religious beliefs.

It usually doesn’t take a lot to be kind. Sometimes I think we make it so hard, when something as simple and easy as a genuine smile can brighten someone’s day. Being polite and kind to others can sometimes be just what they need to make their day. Holding the door for someone, letting them go ahead of you in line, smiling and saying hello… you never know.

Kindness

Simple Kindness

The little, everyday things we can do to show others kindness can be a seed planted in their lives that will one day grow and help lead them to Christ.

These days it seems we even have a hard time with Christians treating each other with kindness. We want to fight and argue over our views and interpretations and forget that as Christians, we all have the common ground of faith in Christ.

A friend of mine recently talked about relationships and how they seem to come to an end. He said it is based on what the relationship is about. If it is based on some thing or some activity, once we get tired of that particular thing and move on, the relationships based on that activity usually come to an end. I have noticed the same thing among those who attend an organized church. You may spend many years there, making many friends and being involved in all the activities. Yet once you leave, either to move to another church or to have communion outside the walls of the organization, all your friends from the old place seem to disappear also. Our friendships and relationships should be based on the common ground of faith in Christ and His grace. This should not change no matter where you go or how you participate in life as the Church.  Our love of the Father and for one another as His children should be the one thing that can hold together a friendship.

Let’s see if we can make a point of doing at least one act of kindness each day. You never know where it may lead.

Read Full Post »

Kindness is something you don’t find much in our world today.

The Bible speaks about kindness many times. Kindness is one of the fruit of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22.

The dictionary says kindness is being considerate, or helpful. Wouldn’t the world be a better place if everyone treated each other with kindness?

It usually doesn’t take a lot to be kind. Sometimes I think we make it to hard, when something so simple and easy as a genuine smile can brighten someone’s day. Being polite and kind to others can sometimes be just what they need to make their day. Holding the door for someone, letting them go ahead of you in line, smiling and saying hello, you never know.

The little, everyday things we can do to show others kindness can be a seed planted in their lives that will one day grow and help lead them to Christ.

These days it seems we even have a hard time with Christians treating each other with kindness. We want to fight and argue over our views and interpretations and forget that as Christians, we all have the common ground of faith in Christ.

A friend of mine recently talked about relationships and how they seem to come to an end. He said it was based on what the relationship was about. If it is based on some thing or activity, once we get tired of that particular thing and move on, all the relationships based on that activity usually come to an end. Only the common ground of faith in Christ and His grace is what doesn’t change and the one thing that can hold together a friendship.

Let’s see if we can make a point to do one act of kindness each day. You never know where it may lead.

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