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Posts Tagged ‘love’

What Is God’s Love Really Like?

Posted in Acceptance, Bible, christian living, Love of God, tagged , , , , , , , on June 9, 2025|

by Mike Edwards

I write a lot about this topic as I named my blog over 15 years ago  What God May Really Be Like  I used the word “May” because I was countering dogmatism growing up in church. Who knows what God is really like unless God talks to you directly? Be humble. But, if you are told something about God that goes against your moral intuitions, question it. Most accept God is love.

How do we best determine what God love like 

There is a problem claiming the Bible is the definitively word on what God’s love is like. Ancient literature is subject to interpretation. Even if the writers understood their God perfectly, which we can’t prove, we can’t claim our interpretations are perfect. The truth is biblical scholars who have a deep respect for the Bible don’t agree what God thinks about gays, women, hell, and other moral issues. See here. See here. See here.  Gays are supposedly condemned, women’s leadership roles are limited, despite their gifts and a fiery torturous afterlife awaits infidels – all in God’s name!

Why wouldn’t God be most like what our moral intuitions suggest. Our inborn sense of good and evil, not an ancient Book, tells us sexual abuse or murder is immoral. If a Creator exists, it is only intuitive that a Creator loves the ways their creations ought to love one another. We all seem to know the question we ought to ask ourselves – am I loving others perfectly? Or am I loving others like I want to be loved. Many times, when one believes contrary to universal moral intuitions (infidels should be destroyed in this life), it is because of their interpretation of a supposed inspired Book by their God.

Surely, perfect human love is the same as Godly love

The only God worth believing in must be perfectly loving as opposed to in any way hateful. God’s love surely is the same as supreme parents – other-directed not self-consumed. Love gets excited when we do well and make a difference in the lives of others. Love anticipates, hopes for my success, believes in me, pulls for me even when failing, because I do the same for my children. We doubt God but God still loves. Parents bring children into the world hoping their children freely reciprocate their love for authentic relationships. Why would God be any different.

How you imagine God’s love can determine how you relate to others

  • If we think God is hard to please and pissed off about sin rather than what sin is doing to us, we may judge others just as harshly rather than showing patience and mercy
  • If God is really a warlike God according to the OT, we will use such behaviors to possibly justify going to war when we shouldn’t
  • If God condemns gays, we will condemn gays out of devotion to God
  • If God thinks men have authority over women in some positions, that will filter down to your wives, daughters, and friends and stifle their gifts
  • If God can prevent evil and doesn’t, isn’t that like a parent who arbitrarily decides to watch their child being sexually abused or not? Maybe God can’t love perfectly by controlling freedom. God can only stop evil with the help of others or not create freedom!

I’m convinced belief in a benevolent God, according to common moral intuitions, makes you kinder. We often treat others the way we think God treats us.  How has God’s threats of punishment helped you break away from bad habits or behaviors you long to change? I guess fear God if helps to avoid consequences of destructive actions. But if struggling and need encouragement and mercy, a loving God awaits with open arms. Grace or authoritativeness doesn’t guarantee change, but I believe we best change because of a friend’s or God’s love and acceptance. See It Matters If Your God Is Nurturing Or Authoritative!

Mike Edwards was added as a writer and has been a great addition to the site. Mike provides many interesting views and various ways of looking at things. He is not afraid to ask questions and he keeps an open mind as to teachings of the institutional church. Mike also has his own site where he writes at What God May Really Be Like 

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How Do We Produce the Fruit of the Spirit

Posted in Bible, christian living, Jesus follower, Love of God, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 6, 2025|

by Michael Donahoe

In the book of Galatians we are told that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, against such things there is no law.

We hear about the fruit of the spirit but how do we produce it, and what does it really look like to have the fruit of the Spirit in our lives?

Letting God live from within us and allowing the Spirit to produce the fruit is the only way for us to manifest the fruit of the Spirit in our lives. It is not by our strength or actions. We usually think we can produce fruit by our good works. Unfortunately, that does not work. We cannot produce fruit on our own. It is only by abiding in the vine that the branches will grow fruit. Jesus said ‘I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit’. Apart from him we are not able to produce any fruit of the Spirit. The Spirit of God living within us produces the fruit, which will be a natural by-product of the life of the Spirit within us.

Also notice that we have the fruit of the spirit, not the fruits. When the Spirit is allowed to live through us, each and every fruit mentioned is active and working through us. It is like one gift of the fruit of the Spirit manifesting in nine different ways. We cannot pick and choose which fruit we like or think we need, we have them all.

That does not mean that life is always perfect and we will not have problems. It does mean God is within us and never leaves us. God produces love for others that we cannot give in our own strength. We can have peace and patience when things are going crazy around us.

In the world we live in, most people are not used to being treated with kindness or seeing goodness in others. God’s spirit within produces both, which will make a difference to others when they see us being kind and good to people.

How many of us, in the stressful situations we find ourselves in during a day, can be gentle with others? Certainly not in our own strength.

Being faithful to God is not even in our power, but as the Spirit gives faith it becomes a reality in our lives. Even self-control is not actually self-produced. What it boils down to is Jesus is everything. His Spirit lives within us and produces the fruit that grows and manifests through our lives. When the fruit of the Spirit is manifested in our lives, I think it will look a lot like the life of Jesus.

It is the fruit that God produces in us that others see. It is the fruit that looks good and is becoming to others. The fruit will help others know that God is good, loving and kind. Stop trying to produce the fruit of the Spirit and rest in God. Allow the Spirit to cultivate the good fruit in us so others will see the true love of God.

*******

Michael Donahoe was added as a writer as his views fit perfectly with those of Done with Religion. He also writes on Substack at https://personalmeanderings.substack.com/

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What About Miracles, Prophesies? – Book Review “Impossible Love”

Posted in Bible, christian living, Jesus follower, Love of God, Word of God, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on April 27, 2025|

by Mike Edwards
(I had a tumor removed from my brain 4/21/25. Please excuse mispellings/mistypes. Not sure brain all there)

I dare you to read Impossible Love  and not be awed – a true story of a couple concerning an African Civil War, Miracles, and Hope Against All Odds. It is the first book in a while I couldn’t put down. I do not wish to be critical of scholar Craig Keener and his wife Medine, who is a scholar in her own right. They are an amazing spiritual couple.  I can’t carry their water. Google Craig to see all the scholarly books he has written, which are often the main Seminary text on the topic covered. Many of his books have influenced my views. After I read, I wondered if many may question their level of faith if not believing in prophecies and miracles as this couple does.  Now, the Keener’s don’t claim when mentally hearing God’s voice that they are always right. But does God know the future to advise us ahead of time, and can we expect miracles if we pray enough?

 Is the Bible really inspired? 

I sense the Keeners’ believe God inspired the entire Bible, meaning God controlled and approved all written down. We can’t prove the writers always understood God perfectly. I have written here it is difficult to prove God controlled what written down. It matters because few acknowledge their interpretation may be wrong, so gays are often condemned, women’s leadership roles are limited despite their gifts, and it is suggested a fiery torturous afterlife awaits infidels – all in God’s name. I interpret differently. I believe best to assume God didn’t inspired the Bible, so we feel free to question interpretations that contradict common moral sense. Why would God create us to have moral intuitions contrary to God’s?

Did God really ordered Israel to commit hundreds of atrocities in the OT – “… put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys” (I Sam. 15:3).  Such genocidal behavior makes no human moral sense. God’s possible justification of violence can lead to imitation of violent solutions such as capital punishment, blowing up abortion clinics, or unnecessary wars in the name of God. It matters your view of the Bible and if inspired by God! 

Is prophesy in the Bible God knowing the future? 

I have written here why God can’t know the future, thus prophecies in the Bible or now can’t possibly know the future. It is natural to think an all-knowing, powerful God knows future outcomes. But to assume God knows the future suggests a predetermined future which makes freedom nonsensical. Another view is that God joins us relationally in a free, unknown future concerning our decisions. God isn’t hiding the future from us. When one assumes prophesy is God knowing the future, one may wonder why God doesn’t warn us all of upcoming tradegy? See Does Prophecy In The Bible Really Predict The Future?

 The Keeners’ don’t seem to suggest their dreams or prophecies they share are definitive. I think their beliefs in an inspired Bible and their interpretations is influential. I am not convinced prophecies from God about the future can be distinguished from mental impressions we may have.

Why does it matter! 

In reading the Keener’s experience, one may think they should expect to hear from God who they should marry. Such a belief can led to inaction or choosing the wrong partner. I don’t believe God has one partner in mind for anyone, or that you should wait to hear from God before making a decision. God gave you a brain and God can’t tell you if your future partner will be faithful or may betray you. Make decisions based on the wisest path at the time based on current partner’s actions and conjoint future aspirations. God will be there with you in such decisions and future challenges. These concerns are relational important with God Read the book for more discussion on the topic.

Why is it important whether God knows the future or not? 

A known or set future suggests one isn’t truly free to choose otherwise. God may know all possibilities, but the future must be open if we are truly free. To the contrary, God’s will isn’t some hidden plan to discover that God keeps from us. God can’t tell you if the person you want to marry won’t end up betraying you or the job you take won’t end up being phased out. We surely have God’s blessing choosing the wisest path known at the time based on past experiences, current circumstances, and future aspirations. God joins us in considering risks to change the world for better. God’s moral ways are not mysterious or hidden. God seeks only to influence us to do all the good, rather than evil, that we can in all the places we can, at all the times we can, to all the people we can, as long as we can. Jesus prayed God’s will be done on earth as in heaven (Mt. 6:10). God’s plan is not a detailed blueprint but a general one to set us free to love.

What Is God’s Plan For Your Life?

How Do We Discover God’s Will For Our Life?

 Do miracles happen

I am not one to believe in miracles mostly because I haven’t experienced or seen such events. But I also don’t think the Bible is totally made up reporting miracles. Also, one cannot deny Craig Keener’s scholarship on miracles as reliable reports exists all over the world. I am not going to try to convince you either way. I don’t know! But I think it is important to consider personally if miracles are possible or not. Most of us have asked God for a miracle in our life, even unbelievers. Most would admit the answer usually has been “no.” Did we not pray enough? Are we not faithful enough as the Keener’s or other individuals who reports miracles?

One has ever right to ask why doesn’t God intervene more than God does. I prefer to assume God always desires to intervene miraculously. One possible better explanation for miracles is that various biological factors are involved such as cells and organs. If God doesn’t deny human freedom, it may not be a stretch to say God has to account for natural freedom as well when it comes to miracles in nature. Perhaps miracles can happen when God’s uncontrolling love aligns with countless factors known and not known. God cannot intervene singlehandedly, but a loving God is dying to intervene miraculously by all means whenever circumstances will allow. I am not sure the Keener’s would agree. It is important to understand why God may not be able to answer.

This post is about your relationship with God!

Don’t assume that all of the Bible is inspired by God. Don’t condemn your child, who says they are gay, because of your interpretation of a supposed inspired Bible. Don’t assume God knows the future? Maybe God didn’t know your spouse would betray you. Maybe God grieves with you because God can’t control freedom, etc? Your understanding of God and God’s power in a world of freedom matters in your relationship! My understanding of God empowers my relationships with God and others I seek to treat like I want to be treated.

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. Mike also writes on his own site that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

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What Can Good Marriages Do Even Better?

Posted in christian living, Lifestyles, Love of God, tagged , , , , , on March 9, 2025|

By Mike Edwards

It isn’t easy having a good marriage. Marriages, unlike many relationships, are a 24/7 friendship. Live with a friend all the time and see if the relationship is as friendly. Relationships often start off well because reality hasn’t set in – sharing closets, bathrooms, in-laws, children. Differences become more and more obvious. I wrote here  what good marriages tend to have in common. They treat one another like they do their best friend, they talk and solve their differences in an open, productive way, and encouragements are at a ratio of least 5:1 per criticisms. Learning to live happily incompatible is complicated but worth it, and it always takes two to tango.

What negative flaw do solid marriages often have in common? 

Everyone can spot an unhappy marriage. Just listen. But good marriages often violate an aspect of the golden rule necessary for a good marriage – treating their partner like they want to be treated. Want to give advice to your partner? Then advise and talk to like you would like you want to be given advice or if partner had a different opinion on a matter. Avoid being perceived as “snippy.”

I am guilty what I am about to advise early on in marriage and may still be. I worry if my kids picked up on this flaw! I think I am doing much better in this past decade but you would have to ask my partner, kids, and their partners. I notice couples who aren’t necessarily on the brink of divorce do this in front of others. Imagine what they do when others aren’t looking. When giving advice or differ with what comes out of your partner’s mouth…..watch the words you use to respond. 

When disagreeing with partner don’t start with: 

You need to

YOU should

What!

C’mon name of partner!

No …..

Huh!

Ask you partner how you can respond differently when having different opinions

Positive reactions when having different opinions 

What about

What if

Maybe

Perhaps

Possibly 

Ask your partner how your responses can be less critical/snippy when alone or in public 

React to you partner in every situation positively and less critically or challenging!

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. He couldn’t find enough people to discuss God openly so he started blogging years ago. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

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What One Insight May Help Your Marriage The Most?

Posted in Acceptance of Others, christian living, Love of God, tagged , , , , , , on December 22, 2024|

By Mike Edwards

If I were to ask you if life is hard or easy, most of you would probably say hard at times. Few would deny that challenges arise from time to time. This same insight could help your marriage get off to a good start or perhaps help you dig you way out of a mess. Now sometimes, your partner is a mess and refuses to step up to the challenge! Just make sure you aren’t the mess. All to say, marriage is hard sometimes and hard work is required to get back on track.

My personal naiveness 

Young couples – I doubt most of you were as naïve as I was in the beginning of my marriage. I assume agreement on our differences would quickly evaporate because of our love for one another. Heck, I probably assumed we wouldn’t have any differences. I suppose because dating went so well was part of my challenge. But I ended up pursuing counseling as a career because of the marriage struggles I noticed my parents had. Yet, I guess I assumed I was totally different. I went for some premarital counseling, but I have always been hard of hearing. The truth is beginning to share things including closets, children, and in-laws, and that each individual brings their own baggage into the relationship, creates challenges. 

What is a critical attitude when marriage gets hard 

Many of us start off saying our partner is our best friend, but we don’t always act like that. Happily married couples behave like good friends, abiding by the golden rule. If both partners act consistently like they wish to be treated, characterized by respect, affection, and empathy, marriages are good. Regardless, there are challenges in 7 days-a-week relationships unlike in other friendships where you don’t share as much. When the relationship is struggling, often it will be because one is not living out the golden rule. Start by changing yourself rather than trying to change your partner. Are you treating your partner as you wish to be treated? 

What is a critical skill when marriage gets hard 

Watch expectations. Great relationships have differences. It is how you handle them that is critical. One who begins a relationship knowing that he/she does not have a right to expect everything he/she desires sets himself/herself up for success. Living happily incompatibly is the goal. Discuss and solve differences in a calm manner, as best friends do, so solutions can be discovered. It is better to try again later than let anger fly. Respond not react to differences. Do you have anger rules and agree to stop the discussion and try again later when these boundaries are violated? 

What does God have to do with it?

I have to put a plug in for a Creator encouraging going the extra mile in marriage. A great advantage of my being a God-follower is knowing good enough isn’t enough. Marriages can fail despite an 85% success rate. Great marriages aren’t about being good enough or not as bad as other partners. The best goal of marriage or any relationship is aiming for perfection. My view of God, as an encourager and forgiver, inspires me to pursue perfection in my relationships without being paralyzed by guilt when failing. I have the “want to” to be perfect – okay getting closer to perfect. That credit goes to God!

What One Insight May Help Your Marriage The Most?

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. He couldn’t find enough people to discuss God openly so he started blogging years ago. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

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What Should Christians Be Known For?

Posted in Acceptance of Others, Bible, christian living, Jesus follower, Love of God, tagged , , , , , , on August 2, 2024|

by Jim Gordon

Christianity is the same no matter what country we live in, but for this article, we are talking mainly about here in the United States. In this country, we have a lot of people who claim to be Christians. What does that mean and how should we be able to recognize them?

As Christians, people should be known for their love. Their goal should be to follow the example of Jesus. Those of us who claim to be Christians go about showing our faith in different ways. Many feel that if we can preach in public, be a pastor, evangelist, or missionary, they will be known as good Christian people.

Others think if they give regularly to their church, or to programs to help the poor and other social justice issues, they will be known as good Christians. Many will base their identity on their works and all the good things they do to show they are good Christians.

Unfortunately, many will put their faith in political power, trying to force their beliefs on everyone. By doing so, they think they will make the country better by making laws based on biblical law and their interpretation of Christianity.

Basically, all these things are a waste of time. First, we are saved by grace, it is a gift from God and there is nothing we can do to earn it or pay for it. Second, the only way that Jesus says we are to be known as His disciples is by the love we have for one another.

Jesus told us to believe on the one who God sent and to love others as you love yourself. When we try mixing New Testament grace with the Old Covenant law, we are getting away from the truly good news and we are not loving one another as Jesus meant.

Some Christians think that by posting the ten commandments in schools, or requiring prayer in schools, or placing religious items in public buildings, it will show their Christian beliefs and force people to think about God. Now, I am not an advocate for putting religious postings in public buildings, but if there is going to be anything, the Sermon on the Mount would be much better. Rather than forcing biblical law on an entire country, promote the fruit of the Spirit, being love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Christianity should not be anything other than loving God and loving one another. We should be following the example of Jesus and never force our religious beliefs on anyone. God gave us freedom to choose, as Christians, we should do the same.

Jim Gordon and his wife left the institutional church after spending over fifty years within the system. Jim wanted a way to express his thoughts and concerns about the religious system and why he and his wife decided to leave the institution but not their faith in God. Jim can be contacted by email at: jimgordon731@gmail.com

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What May Be The Greatest Insight /Game Changer About God?

Posted in Acceptance, christian living, Jesus follower, Love of God, tagged , , , , , , on April 30, 2023|

By Mike Edwards

I am convinced that God likes you. God isn’t pissed at you all the time for not abiding by God’s standards. God desperately seeks a personal relationship with us all. “Religious people sometimes speak of God as if he were just another human magistrate who seeks his own glory and requires obedience for its own sake…God wills for us the very thing we really want for ourselves, whether we know it or not…” [Thomas Talbott, The Inescapable Love Of God, p. 185]

What does the institutional church say? 

I attended a lot of different churches growing up. It seems all God thinks about is our choices to sin. If you have any of my characteristics, God isn’t exactly in love with you all the time. But why would God be like that if earthly parents don’t stop loving their kid – they hate what sin is doing to the child; they don’t hate the kid. A relationship with God, rather than an emphasis on rules and obedience, is our necessary nourishment to conquer our battle against self-centeredness. The fear of God doesn’t lead to changed hearts. When we feel a meaningful bond with our parents, we are more motivated to follow their guidance which often is in our best interest. An intimate friendship with God can transform us into the kind of person we want to be.

How do we know God is like an earthly parent? 

Surely a loving Creator would love the way we were created to love. God’s love surely is the same as supreme parents – other-directed not self-consumed. Love gets excited when we do well and make a difference in the lives of others. Love anticipates, hopes for our success, believes in us. God is pulling for us, even when failing, because I do the same for my children. We doubt God but God still loves. We are dependent on our children for intimate relationships. An all-powerful God would only give us uncontrolled freedom if seeking a partnership and friendship with us. 

But what does the Bible say? 

I am convinced God only wishes for all to consider the possibility of a loving God who desires to help you in your journey of becoming the person deep down you want to become. Loving, human parents don’t require certain beliefs from their children before hoping they will consider if they love them. Are we better lovers than God? We can’t all agree what the Bible says, even on many moral issues, but the central message about God in the Bible seems to be to strive to love others like you want to be loved. Why would God be any different toward us? 

Your view of God matters!

We know God is speaking when we hear: I love you, I forgive you; I won’t abandon you; let’s see what happens, I want what you want deep down; I am not really like who some people say I am. Do you want to believe more in God? I am not sure there is anything to lose in beginning a journey of faith if the desire is to live life with fewer regrets. Personally, the biggest reason for being a God-follower is the inspiration and encouragement I sense in striving to be a better human being. If God is real, they should be able to make their case with each individual.

What May Be The Greatest Insight /Game Changer About God?

MikeEdwardsprofilepic125

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

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Jesus Said to Love One Another

Posted in Acceptance of Others, christian living, Jesus follower, Love of God, tagged , , , , , , , on December 8, 2022|

by Michael Donahoe

Why is it many of us who call ourselves Christians spend more time defending our beliefs rather than enjoying time spent with others? Often, we do it not only to non-believers, but even to our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We know how Jesus lived; he loved others, accepted those who the religious crowd did not like, he was kind, loving, forgiving and caring to all he came in contact. It seems the only people who he had a problem with were religious self-righteous leaders. Yet, we see many of those who claim to follow Jesus go out and argue with those who interpret the Bible differently, or who do not believe the same or live the same.

It seems to me rather than fight and argue over doctrine, interpretation and belief we would do better to love, accept and show compassion. After all, Jesus said to love God and love one another. He never said judge and condemn others or avoid those who think differently.

This certainly does not mean we have to agree with everyone, but we do not have to fight and defend our way of thinking. Many of us think we have it all figured out and our way of faith is the only way. We think we have to persuade others to come to our way of thinking or they are doomed to hell.

I am not sure any of us have it all figured out, in fact I know none of us do. We all have room to question, learn and change. I know my wife and I are doing more questioning than we ever did, and we are finding new truths as we walk in the Spirit daily.

When it comes down to it, I feel we should be open to accept others no matter what their way of thinking. People want to be loved and accepted, they want to be happy and get along with others. When we get all religious and defend our point of view, it does more harm and drives people apart more than anything.

As followers of Jesus, we should be seeking strength to accept and love everyone. No matter what they believe, what their faith or doctrine is, no matter their religion, nationality, sexual preference or color, we want to see them as Jesus sees them. This type of love comes from the Spirit of God who is within us.

Naturally, people will not always agree, but we want to look past those areas of disagreement and find the commonalities we have and share the love of God together. This does not happen by condemning and bashing people nor by trying to prove we are right and they are wrong.

Love does not mean seeing eye-to-eye, it does not mean we agree or even like some of the things people do, but it does mean we look past the differences and love them as Christ loves them. Let’s look past the labels and see people who have feelings, who want love and friendship, people we can get to know, learn from, share thoughts and ideas with, and accept as fellow human beings who are created in the image of God.

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Michael Donahoe was added as a writer as his views fit perfectly with those of Done with Religion. He also writes on Substack at https://myopinionblog.substack.com/

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How The Heck Do You Have A Good Marriage?

Posted in Acceptance of Others, christian living, Love of God, tagged , , , , , on June 26, 2022|

By Mike Edwards

I’m no expert but one who is anxious for others to avoid my failures. I can assure you my marriage hasn’t lasted 40 years so far as of today because I am some saint. Divorce can happen and doesn’t doom one as a failure for life. Relationships aren’t that complicated, just hard. Many marriages can succeed when both partners adhere to a few essential attitudes and actions to better relate. I am going to keep this less than a five-minute read in hopes more read provoking ideas if struggling. Success isn’t an exact path. We all have a chance if strive to treat our partner like a best friend!

The Right Attitude – Accepting Differences 

Good luck finding a partner that always agree. Marriage is about living happily incompatible. There are no perfect matches. Relationships often start off well because reality hasn’t set in – sharing closets, bathrooms, in-laws, children, etc. You still have in common why you began the relationship, but now you have to work out your differences. Other friendships don’t have the 24/7 challenges. Naively, I assumed in the beginning I would be happily married 100% of the time. Now, I realize being pleased 75% of the time is a pretty good marriage. Strive to treat your partner like you want to be treated when not agreeing. Marriage isn’t agreeing but learning to disagree. 

The Right Actions – Fighting Fair 

After accepting we don’t have a right to expect everything we desire, we still have to solve such differences to live peacefully together. When handling differences in other relationships it usually is out in public with others around eyeballing your actions. In a 24/7 relationship differences can happen more in private. There is less accountability to behave. Kids, we know the rules in solving differences – keep your hands to yourself, don’t raise your voice, stop interrupting, etc. When such rules are violated, give each other permission to stop and restart when acting more civilly. Couples who say they are no longer in love have stopped treating each other in loving ways. Happy couples expect problems and solve differences in a positive manner so solutions can be discovered. 

Identify A Specific Plan And Persist 

As you strive for the right attitude and actions – develop specific steps each can take, evaluate success in a time limited fashion, and do it all over again. Keep trying until finding what works. Judge the relationship not on feelings that depend on circumstance but judge the relationship on specific actions that can bring about desired feelings.  Couples often give up too soon because they attempt a “hit and miss” approach to their problems. Couples often argue, “they have tried everything.” Develop your own list of habits such as below:

  • During conflict both ideally ask “what can I do differently” not “why can’t you”
  • Assume good will of you partner unless you married the devil
  • Focus on solutions than problems
  • Persist unless one partner is being abusive
  • Run from temptations that can set you up for failure
  • Get third party help after remaining stuck
  • Try doing what you would tell your friend if they asked for advise
  • Identify 2 or 1 thing you wish each would do differently once a day that is observable and you can acknowledge genuine appreciation when it happens
  • Focus on being the right person rather than your partner
  • Happy couples’ ratio of encouraging than criticizing is at least 6:1

Spiritual help can be invaluable in marriage

Maybe you are just a good person without any help. Personally, I need help being the best version of myself for the sake of my partner. I need to be willing to say sorry. I need to recognize I am being selfish. I need to be willing to forgive when my partner takes responsibility for their actions. Great marriages aren’t about being good enough or not as bad as other partners. The best goal of marriage or any relationship is aiming for perfection. My view of God inspires me to pursue perfection in my relationships without being paralyzed by guilt when failing. I have the “want to” to be perfect. I believe that motivation comes from God!

John and Julie Gottman, who have researched marriage relationships for years to identify important factors that lead to success, state something so true: “Every marriage has perpetual issues – conflicts based on personality differences or lifestyle differences that never go away. Common examples include how much intimacy there should be in a marriage, as well as disagreements over money and household chores. But as longtime marriage therapists, we’ve found that partners can live peacefully with perpetual issues as long as they talk about them in a open, productive way.” 

How The Heck Do You Have A Good Marriage?

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Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like  He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

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Be Loving in Your Actions

Posted in Acceptance of Others, christian living, Jesus follower, Love of God, tagged , , , , , , , , on April 29, 2022|

by Jim Gordon

In our world today there seems to be a lot of talk in the Christian world of standing up for our beliefs and doctrines. It seems we feel this is the best way to show our devotion to God and be a witness for Him.

I am not so sure we are going about this in the correct way. As Christians we are getting to be known more for what we are against and being unloving rather than showing the love of God to others.

As Christians, many people go to a church building on Sunday to sing and smile and listen to a sermon. By doing so, they think they have fulfilled their duties for the week. All day they are feeling good and close to God and think everything is good.

Then Monday hits and off they go to work with a frown on their face and feeling down. They may be in a bad mood and snap at fellow employees trying to make them feel as bad as they do.

It seems we forget that Christianity is not a religion or a one day a week life. As followers of Christ, we are to let Christ live through us in the strength of the Holy Spirit. We are to let his love flow out of us to touch those we come in contact with throughout the day.

Rather than try to win people to God by our words, or by pointing out their mistakes or condemning them, we should allow the love of Christ to touch them by actually being loving and kind in the way we treat them.

While Jesus lived in bodily form on earth, he constantly spent time with those the religious crowd would not even think of being around. He spent time doing things that the religious leaders’ thought were wrong and against their religious laws. They could not even accept him as the messiah because he was so different from them and what they thought was a godly way to live.

Jesus accepted people for who they were, just the way they were and did not show condemnation toward them. As followers of Christ, we are to do the same. It is not our job to be the judge of others, pointing out their sins and mistakes and treating them like second class people. We are here to be Jesus to all people, loving, accepting and treating everyone with love and respect no matter who they are or what they believe.

In our world today, with all the discrimination and unloving ways of the world and even of the church, we are to allow the Holy Spirit to love through us. We are to let the love of God touch others and let them know they are accepted and cared for. We are to remind them that in God’s eyes they are loved beyond measure. Love is the way of God because God is love.

Stop the unloving and condemning attitudes and let those you come in contact with each day know they are loved and accepted. Do not do this in word only, but in actions and good deeds.

Jim Gordon and his wife left the institutional church after spending over fifty years within the system. Jim wanted a way to express his thoughts and concerns about the religious system and why he and his wife decided to leave the institution but not their faith in God. Jim can be contacted by email at: jimgordon731@gmail.com

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