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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

What Brief Advise Would I Give Parents In Raising Children?

Posted in Acceptance, christian living, Lifestyles, tagged children, christian living, Christianity, marriage, parental guidance, relationship, religion, spirituality on August 21, 2022|

By Mike Edwards

Parenting, like marriage, isn’t complicated just hard. Treat your partner like you want to be treated and you will probably have a good marriage. See here. Parent your children like you wish your parents had parent you and your children may visit when adults. There are hundreds of tips in being a good parent, but I will suggest only a few. There are no guarantees in parenting. A parent’s job is to parent well, not control their children. I am going to be brief and focus on a few positive actions that can set children up for success.

First, keep in mind the three main stages of parenting

Ages 0-2: Total Dependence so just love, feed, and try to get them to sleep

Ages 2-11: Time to discipline because for some reasons kids tend toward selfishness than unselfishness. They rightly are seeking to be independent and need help. Say yes as often as possible. Know when to say “no” and mean it. If you tell them “no” for the right reason, follow through with actions that show you mean it or they will be confused. Pick your battles carefully – mainly around how they treat others (character).
Ages 11 and Up: Mentor as much as possible to prepare them to be on their own. Act more as a coach whenever possible so they can learn from their own decisions. Sometimes, you have to interfere when drugs, etc. are involved, but empower your kids to make their own decisions and to learn from their mistakes.

Secondly, discipline well

Expect your children to treat others like they want to be treated. When they don’t, call them out and follow up with any discipline appropriate. There doesn’t have to be any hitting or yelling. Physical discipline/spanking is not necessary. Most parents don’t spank with control all the time so remove the option; besides, it stifles creativity in teaching. I have raised three children (now in their thirties and none in jail) without spanking and you would be proud to call them your kids.

Thirdly, require siblings to get along

I wanted my children to have a positive relationship with one another. I couldn’t make them like one another, but damn if I couldn’t make them treat each other like Mom and Dad should treat one another even when we didn’t get along. Children cannot and do not work this out on their own as the older/bigger just wins. I don’t sit back when bullying in any relationships is happening. I reserved my biggest responses when the kids yelled, hit, or took advantage of one another.

Fourthly and finally, parents must walk the talk

Parents must walk the talk if they expect children to listen to their advice. How can parents obtain commitment by asking their children to treat others right, but parents don’t treat others or their partner well? If kids are not going to drink when young, this translates into their parents not getting trashed and drinking responsibly. Whether we like it or not, kids are always looking for an excuse to be irresponsible. It is just human nature. Parents must work very hard to not give their children a reason to misbehave because of the example they set. “Do what I say, not what I do” is just plain stupid

MikeEdwardsprofilepic125

Mike Edwards has been writing for Done with Religion for some time and has been a great addition to the site. Mike also has his own site where he writes that can be found at What God May Really Be Like He can be contacted by email at: medwar2@gmail.com

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Marriage and Being One with God

Posted in christian living, Jesus follower, Love of God, tagged christian living, Christianity, church, Holy Spirit, Love of God, marriage on August 3, 2022|

by Jim Gordon

The institution of marriage is such a great comparison to life with God. I think we often miss some good points about marriage that directly relates to life with God. To many times we do not associate marriage with Kingdom meanings.

Actually, marriage is a shadow of spiritual things. In Ephesians 5 it relates marriage to the church when it reads, this mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. The church here is not a building nor an organization. The Church that is mentioned are the people who follows Jesus. It is not a weekly meeting; it is a living organism made up of those of us saved by grace.

One of the things I have been thinking about recently is how we are one with God. It is hard to imagine that God lives within us. Jesus said when he left the earth, he would send us another comforter. Through his Spirit, Jesus came to live within us and is constantly with us.

We always think of God as sitting on a big throne, way off in heaven somewhere and that one of these days we will go and live with God forever.

The thing is, that is not what the written word tells us. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit, God’s physical dwelling place on earth. God’s Spirit dwells within us and will never leave us nor forsake us.

Now it is not saying we are God, but we are one with God. The best way I have found to make sense of this is to think of marriage. When two individual people, whether straight or gay, fall in love, make a commitment to love each other and live together, the bible says the two shall become one.

Does that mean that the spouse becomes their partner, that they somehow become the same person? No, both people remain individuals, yet they live as one. Same with us and God. We are still the person God created, yet because God loves us and we love God, the Spirit lives within us and we become one with God.

In John 17:21 Jesus is talking with God and says, ‘that they may all be one, even as You are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me’. Seems to me it is truly a marriage made in heaven.

We do not have to wait to a future time when we live with God in some far-away place. We are living as one with God in the Kingdom right now. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit, we are the dwelling place of God, and each of us are equally important parts of the body of Christ.

Jim Gordon and his wife left the institutional church after spending over fifty years within the system. Jim wanted a way to express his thoughts and concerns about the religious system and why he and his wife decided to leave the institution but not their faith in God. Jim can be contacted by email at: jimgordon731@gmail.com

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How The Heck Do You Have A Good Marriage?

Posted in Acceptance of Others, christian living, Love of God, tagged christian living, Christianity, love, Love of God, marriage, relationships on June 26, 2022|

By Mike Edwards

I’m no expert but one who is anxious for others to avoid my failures. I can assure you my marriage hasn’t lasted 40 years so far as of today because I am some saint. Divorce can happen and doesn’t doom one as a failure for life. Relationships aren’t that complicated, just hard. Many marriages can succeed when both partners adhere to a few essential attitudes and actions to better relate. I am going to keep this less than a five-minute read in hopes more read provoking ideas if struggling. Success isn’t an exact path. We all have a chance if strive to treat our partner like a best friend!

The Right Attitude – Accepting Differences

Good luck finding a partner that always agree. Marriage is about living happily incompatible. There are no perfect matches. Relationships often start off well because reality hasn’t set in – sharing closets, bathrooms, in-laws, children, etc. You still have in common why you began the relationship, but now you have to work out your differences. Other friendships don’t have the 24/7 challenges. Naively, I assumed in the beginning I would be happily married 100% of the time. Now, I realize being pleased 75% of the time is a pretty good marriage. Strive to treat your partner like you want to be treated when not agreeing. Marriage isn’t agreeing but learning to disagree.

The Right Actions – Fighting Fair

After accepting we don’t have a right to expect everything we desire, we still have to solve such differences to live peacefully together. When handling differences in other relationships it usually is out in public with others around eyeballing your actions. In a 24/7 relationship differences can happen more in private. There is less accountability to behave. Kids, we know the rules in solving differences – keep your hands to yourself, don’t raise your voice, stop interrupting, etc. When such rules are violated, give each other permission to stop and restart when acting more civilly. Couples who say they are no longer in love have stopped treating each other in loving ways. Happy couples expect problems and solve differences in a positive manner so solutions can be discovered.

Identify A Specific Plan And Persist

As you strive for the right attitude and actions – develop specific steps each can take, evaluate success in a time limited fashion, and do it all over again. Keep trying until finding what works. Judge the relationship not on feelings that depend on circumstance but judge the relationship on specific actions that can bring about desired feelings. Couples often give up too soon because they attempt a “hit and miss” approach to their problems. Couples often argue, “they have tried everything.” Develop your own list of habits such as below:

During conflict both ideally ask “what can I do differently” not “why can’t you”
Assume good will of you partner unless you married the devil
Focus on solutions than problems
Persist unless one partner is being abusive
Run from temptations that can set you up for failure
Get third party help after remaining stuck
Try doing what you would tell your friend if they asked for advise
Identify 2 or 1 thing you wish each would do differently once a day that is observable and you can acknowledge genuine appreciation when it happens
Focus on being the right person rather than your partner
Happy couples’ ratio of encouraging than criticizing is at least 6:1

Spiritual help can be invaluable in marriage

Maybe you are just a good person without any help. Personally, I need help being the best version of myself for the sake of my partner. I need to be willing to say sorry. I need to recognize I am being selfish. I need to be willing to forgive when my partner takes responsibility for their actions. Great marriages aren’t about being good enough or not as bad as other partners. The best goal of marriage or any relationship is aiming for perfection. My view of God inspires me to pursue perfection in my relationships without being paralyzed by guilt when failing. I have the “want to” to be perfect. I believe that motivation comes from God!

John and Julie Gottman, who have researched marriage relationships for years to identify important factors that lead to success, state something so true: “Every marriage has perpetual issues – conflicts based on personality differences or lifestyle differences that never go away. Common examples include how much intimacy there should be in a marriage, as well as disagreements over money and household chores. But as longtime marriage therapists, we’ve found that partners can live peacefully with perpetual issues as long as they talk about them in a open, productive way.”

How The Heck Do You Have A Good Marriage?

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Marriage and Being One with God

Posted in Acceptance, christian living, Ekklesia, Jesus follower, Kingdom of God, Love of God, The church, tagged acceptance, christian living, heaven, Holy Spirit, John 17:21, Kingdom of God, Love of God, marriage on June 9, 2021|

by Jim Gordon

The institution of marriage is such a great comparison to life with our Father. I think we often miss some good points about marriage that directly relates to life with God. So many times we do not associate marriage with Kingdom meanings.

Actually, marriage is a shadow of spiritual things. Ephesians 5:31,32 states, ‘for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church’. The church being mentioned here is not a building or an organization. The Church are the people who are one in Christ. It is not a weekly meeting, it is a living organism made up of those of us saved by grace. I also believe that just because husband and wife are used by the writer in this verse, it also means any two people who love one another and commit to one another because of that love.

I find it amazing that we are considered to be one with God. It is hard to imagine that the Spirit of God lives within us. Jesus said when he left the earth that he would send us another comforter. Through his Spirit, he came to make his home within us and he is constantly with us.

In John 17:21 Jesus is making a request of the Father about us, asking that ‘they may all be one, even as You Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me’. Seems to me it is truly a marriage made in heaven.

Now this is not saying we are God, but we are one with God. The best way I have found to make sense of this is to think of marriage. When two individual people fall in love, make a commitment to love each other and live together, the bible says the two are joined together as one.

Does that mean that the spouse becomes their partner, that they somehow become the same person? No, both people remain individuals, yet they live as one. Same with us and God, we are still the person He created, yet because God loves us and we love him, he has made his home with us and His spirit lives within us. We are one with God.

We always think of God sitting on a big throne, way off in heaven somewhere and that one of these days we will go and meet Him and live with Him forever.

The thing is, that is not what His written word tells us. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit, God’s physical dwelling place on earth. His Spirit dwells within us and He will never leave us nor forsake us.

We do not have to wait to a future time when we live with God in some far-away place. We are living as one with Him in His Kingdom right now because the Kingdom of God is within us. We are his temple, his dwelling place and each of us are equally important parts of his body.

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What Would You Believe About God And Gays If You Didn’t Have A Bible?

Posted in Acceptance of Others, Bible, christian living, tagged Gay, God, marriage on July 13, 2020| 3 Comments »

By Mike Edwards

It’s a fair question. The majority of people born into this world didn’t possess a copy of the Bible or even heard of Jesus. I doubt a Creator would only communicate through such means. Besides, it can’t be proven God controlled the words and thoughts of the writers to always portray God accurately. It is plausible a universal instinct to treat others like we want to be treated is a personal external force communicating through our moral intuitions. Such intuitions aren’t of the devil!

Many people of faith only condemn gays because they think the Bible does.

Many growing up in church only condemn gays out of devotion to the God of the Bible. Many are unaware biblical scholars who respect the Bible believe Scriptures don’t condemn gay monogamous relationships. See here. The truth is literature, even if could be proven ever word written, edited, or translated is inspired by God, requires interpretation. We mustn’t claim our interpretations are infallible when being wrong has tremendous consequences.

How can we know what God thinks?

Ancient Books are subject to mistranslating and misinterpreting. We cannot avoid using moral sense, possibly endowed by a Creator, when it comes to ethical matters. We seem to always know the question we ought to ask ourselves – am I loving others perfectly. It is only intuitive to think perfect human and godly love are the same. Good thing there is no magic book to tell us what God is like! We would just use it as a club to beat people into submission. We can civilly discuss how to best love others using common moral sense than insisting on a supposed correct interpretation.

It just isn’t natural!

Why would anyone choose a lifestyle subject to bigotry and hostility? Do straights wake up one day and decide to be attracted to the opposite sex? Gays neither of the same sex. Science isn’t conclusive why we have desires for the same or opposite sex, but if you think there is a .0001% possibility that science proves sexual orientation isn’t a choice, would why we judge rather than love? It’s a myth that sexual choices are always the result of some trauma or rebellion in our lives.

A loving God can’t be a psychological abuser.

We know the psychological harm done when one must hide their sexuality because of bigotry and hostility. So, shouldn’t we be guided by love – how should I treat others if I had the same non-choices? The harm isn’t in being gay; the harm is in condemning others for being gay. Mental health problems aren’t because one is gay but because one is force to hide their true identify or face rejection and condemnation. Hating homosexual sex is only loving if homosexual sex is sinful. Hating alcoholic behavior is loving because alcohol abuse really is harmful.

God can’t be a family destroyer.

It is impossible to feel loved and accepted when someone says “I love you but I hate your sin.” Most parents’ hearts break when they think their devotion to God requires them to give their child some version of “love the sinner, hate the sin” speech. Our moral intuitions tell most that God is not bias against females, people of color, or gays. A parent need not reject a gay child according to the Bible. The Bible is silent on monogamous same sex relationships, while supporting relationships that show love and concern for one another. See Please Don’t Reject A Gay Child In God’s Name

Yes, marriage too!

Procreation isn’t a criterion for marriage. We don’t deny infertile couples the right to marry. It is argued the world could not have populated in the beginning! We are no longer in that situation and the world will continue to populate because not all couples are gay. We have unwanted children who need loving couples. Is adoption by a same sex or different sex couple not a better situation than groups homes or orphanages? Many gay couples are far better parents than many opposite sex parents. Don’t worry! Loving couples don’t try to scare a child straight or gay.

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What Would You Believe About God And Women If You Didn’t Have A Bible?

Posted in Bible, christian living, tagged abuse, God, hierarchical, marriage, roles, submission, women on July 6, 2020| 5 Comments »

By Mike Edwards

Many people of faith only believe in gender bias roles because they think the Bible does.

Many growing up in church suggest hierarchical relationships between the sexes out of devotion to the God of the Bible. Many are unaware biblical scholars who respect the Bible believe Scriptures endorse equalitarian roles between the sexes. See here. The truth is literature, even if proven every word written, edited, or translated is inspired by God, requires interpretation. We mustn’t say interpretations are infallible when being wrong has huge consequences.

How can we know what God thinks?

Ancient Books are subject to mistranslating and misinterpreting. We cannot avoid using moral sense in ethical matters. We seem to always know we ought to ask ourselves – am I loving others perfectly. Good thing there is no magic book to tell us what God is like! We would just use it as a club to beat people into believing. I am not sure why any fair-minded person would think women can’t fulfill the same roles as men unless believing a Book about God teaches otherwise. Most agree not allowing equal roles because of skin color is immoral. We can civilly discuss how to best love others using common moral sense than insisting on a supposed correct interpretation.

Intuitively, would God encourage role differences at work but not at home or worship?

Few justify openly only allowing men in leadership roles in business. We call them misogynists or bigots! Is God really prejudice who the preacher or priest is? Not allowing women the same leadership roles as men implies God doesn’t trust women to handle the Truth! I would suggest denying women equal roles, because of the gender born, is emotional abuse if they are gifted to lead. A good God surely doesn’t advocate favoritism based on the race or gender you are born. The most qualified or gifted should surely lead the company. Why not the church?

What are the consequences of women unequally submissive in marriage?

Best friends, in marriage or other dyad relationships, don’t require a leader. Men often assume loving leadership means making final decisions in impasses. I have never had a marriage issue in 38 years that cannot be solve creatively without one partner making all such decisions. Men in authority over women can encourage dominance on the man’s part and dependence on the woman’s part, which can be conducive for domestic abuse and the other atrocities women face at the hands of men. Men, including myself, given an inch are tempted to take a mile!

What does the biggest clobber passage in the Bible say?

The apostle Paul could have in a different culture encouraged men, then women, to not teach for the sake of peace (I Tim. 2:12-15). Paul in the same breath advises women to avoid certain hairstyles or jewelry (I Tim: 2:9), but churches don’t make the same prohibitions as women teaching. Paul likely used the first couple as an example of what to avoid – Eve prevailing upon Adam to go against God’s ways. But, if such a sin keeps women from preaching for eternity, maybe men shouldn’t preach either. Keep in mind Paul says elsewhere Adam was responsible for what happened in the garden (Rom. 5: 12).

Hierarchical relationships between the genders are a haven for abuse by men.

In many countries a Book is used to suggest God condones women not having the same rights as men to vote, drive, or dress how they want. WHAT! One person wrote to the editor of a newspaper in the US: “…it’s been bothering me since 9/11. What’s the difference between the strain of Islam that proscribes gender roles and its counterpart in Christianity that does the same thing, albeit with a different set of prohibitions? In any religion justification of the different treatment of women from men is usually because of a Holy Book that speaks for God. Let’s use common moral sense to stop emotional and physical abuse of women!

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How is Marriage Like Being One with God?

Posted in christian living, Ekklesia, Kingdom of God, Love of God, The church, tagged Bible, heaven, Holy Spirit, Kingdom of God, marriage on July 10, 2019| 3 Comments »

by Jim Gordon

The institution of marriage is such a great comparison to life with God. I think a lot of the time we miss some good points about marriage that directly relates to life with God. To many times we do not associate marriage with Kingdom meanings.

Actually, marriage is a shadow of spiritual things. Ephesians 5:31 and 32 state for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. The church being mentioned here is not a building or an organization. The Church are the people who Jesus brings together. It is not a weekly meeting but a living organism made up of those of us saved by grace. And though the verse mentions man and wife, I believe marriage is the union of two people who commit to each other in love.

One of the things I have been thinking about recently is how we are one with God. It is hard to imagine that our God lives within us. Jesus said when he left the earth, he would send us another comforter. Through his Spirit, he came to make his home within us and he is constantly with us.

We always think of God sitting on a big throne, way off in heaven somewhere and that one of these days we will go to meet and live with God forever.

The thing is, that is not what the written word tells us. We are the temple of the Holy Spirit, God’s physical dwelling place on earth. The Spirit dwells within us and will never leave us nor forsake us.

Now it is not saying we are God but we are one with God. The best way I have found to make sense of this is to think of marriage. When two individual people fall in love, make a commitment to love each other and live together the bible says the two shall become one.

Does that mean that the spouse becomes their partner, that they somehow become the same person? No, both people remain individuals yet they live as one. Same with us and God, we are still the person that was created yet because God loves us, God’s home is now within us and the Spirit of God lives within us. We are one with God.

In John 17:21 Jesus is talking with the Father and asks that they may all be one, even as You Father are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us so that the world may believe that You sent Me. Seems to me it is truly a marriage made in heaven.

We do not have to wait to a future time when we live with God in some far-away place. We are now living as one with God right now. We are the temple, the dwelling place of God and each of us are equally important parts of the body of Christ.

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Why Isn’t What’s Wrong In Marriage The Same For Citizens?

Posted in christian living, tagged christian living, citizens, freedom, marriage, nation, relationships, violence on October 5, 2018| Leave a Comment »

By Mike Edwards

Citizens have vastly different opinions but why can’t we disagree as a nation without all the current chaos by recognizing that certain behaviors are just plain wrong in marriage, friendships, and among citizens. Imagine if all felt safe to express themselves no matter their opinions!

Physical violence is wrong.

It is obvious physical violence is off the table in personal relationships unless protecting yourself from danger. Can you imagine the uproar if people stood by while partners were physically abusing one another? We can peacefully protest but violent protestors must be called out by their own leadership. Those privileged whose rights aren’t being violated must not remain silent when those of a different gender or color are not treated equally.

Emotional violence is obviously wrong.

Is it ever okay for one to verbally abuse their partner? Those who have President Trump’s attention – call him out every time he belittles or name-calls. One can still agree with some of President Trump’s policies but oppose emotionally abusive, provocative behaviors. There are better ways to defend policies that you believe will advance a nation without violating one emotionally.

But, a nation has moral issues that marriages don’t!

Partners fall out of love when each start acting if their way is right. An issue is obviously moral when there is practically universal agreement and one in physical danger. We don’t have to vote if murder should be a law. Until we stop claiming morality according to a Book or our own intuitions, we will never be able to solve our differences. It is a dictatorship not a democracy when we impose our will on non-moral issues such as health care or taxes, where there are legitimate pros and cons.

We can’t change our partner or a nation but we can try to be a part of the solution.

Renounce all acts of physical or verbal violence
Stop claiming your views are morally superior to those you disagree with
Defend your reasoning, accept the freedom of opinions, and respect the voting process
Happily married couples and citizen begin conversations by looking for areas to agree while treating others the way they wish to be treated but it takes two to tango

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Marriage and Being One with God

Posted in christian living, tagged body of Christ, heaven, Holy Spirit, Kingdom of God, marriage, one with God, temple on July 15, 2015| 2 Comments »

The institution of marriage is such a great comparison to life with our Father. I think a lot of the time we miss some good points about marriage that directly relates to life with God. To many times we do not associate marriage with Kingdom meanings.

Actually marriage is a shadow of spiritual things. Ephesians 5:31 and 32 state … For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. The church being mentioned here is not a building or an organization. The Church are the people who Jesus brings together. It is not a weekly meeting, it is a living organism made up of those of us saved by grace.

One of the things I’ve been thinking about recently is how we are one with God. It’s hard to imagine that our Father lives within us. Jesus said when he left the earth, he would send us another comforter. Through his Spirit, he came to make his home within us and he is constantly with us.

We always think of God sitting on a big throne, way off in heaven somewhere and that one of these days we will go and meet Him and live with Him forever.

Now it’s not saying we are God, but we are one with God. The best way I’ve found to make sense of this is to think of marriage. When two individual people fall in love, make a commitment to love each other and live together, the bible says the two shall become one.

Does that mean that the spouse becomes their partner, that they somehow become the same person? No, both people remain individuals, yet they live as one. Same with us and God, we are still the person He created, yet because God loves us and we love him, he made his home within us, and His spirit lives within us. We are one with God.

In John 17:21 Jesus is talking with the Father and asks … that they may all be one, even as You Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me. Seems to me it is truly a marriage made in heaven.

We do not have to wait to a future time when we live with God in some far-away place, we are living as one with Him in His Kingdom right now. We are his temple, his dwelling place, and each of us are equally important parts of his body.

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The Two Shall Become One

Posted in christian living, tagged church, institution, Kingdom of God, marriage, spiritual, two shall become one on August 6, 2014| 7 Comments »

Marriage is an institution that’s been around since the very beginning.

Adam and Eve were married, although not in the traditional way we think of marriage. God joined them together and they became one. No ceremony, no pastor, no license.

Marriage was given as a representation of what God intended for His Church….humans becoming one with God.

Yes, God is not out there somewhere. He is right here, right now. When we accept His gift of grace through Christ, we become one with Him.

Just like the couples who unite in marriage become one, the Church, which means the people, become one with God. We aren’t talking about a building, but those who unite with God through faith in Christ. The true Church is not a building made by hands, but those of us who have had the old sin nature crucified with Christ. We have been raised up with Him as new creatures, and are now one with Him.

God isn’t up in heaven sitting on a big throne looking down on us. No, He is right here within us through the Spirit.

Jesus prayed to the Father in John 17 asking that we might be one just as He and the Father are one. Through the work Jesus did on the cross, we have become the temple of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of Christ lives within us and we have become one with God.

That doesn’t mean we are God, but His Spirit is within us. The Kingdom of God is within us.

We should focus each day on the fact the God is within us. We don’t have to go somewhere and hope He shows up. We don’t have to wait until we die to be with Him. He loves us and lives within us each and every day. We are living in the kingdom right now, daily in His presence.

In this world, it is by faith that we live the spiritual life, but when this earthly life is done, we will see naturally what is already taking place in the spirit.

Thank God for marriage and the joy we have in this world. Even better than that is the wonderful marriage between the Lamb of God and us, the Church, united as one.